Band 5.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 5.0 · Cambridge IELTS 15 · 2026-11-06

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Student answer (Band 5.0)

In some culture, children are often told that they can succeed in anything if they are hard working. The advantage of giving children this message is that it encourges them to do better and the disadvantage it might create competition among children.

The merit of messages like these create a sense of reponsible in children which made them work harder and stay determined. These messages are usually effective when children find themselve in an environment or system they are not familair with, because of what they are being told in their society. They tend to say determined and hardworking to achieve whatever they want without the help of anyone. For instance, When i was young i was sent to a boarding house. Which was filled with people have never met before, however because of what i was told in my society i was able to adapt, work hard and eventually became one of the brilliant student among my pairs.

The dismerit is that it might create competition among children. In an environment occupied with children who are from different socities and the culture they all came from have influenced their mindset by telling them they can achieve anything they want if they are hard working. Well this is a good advice, However it might a create a problem

among the children which is fighting for who will be the best among them. There are better approaches to achieve success one of them is cooperation among children. But if children who have already been influenced by what was said by people in his/her community. The children is likey not to partake in team work that might lead to success.

For example, When i was young my parent sent me to boarding house, where i met different children who are came from different societies. All the children include me have to compete for who will be the best in our class because of what we have been told by people in our culture.

In conclusion, the advantages of the message given to children encourages them to do better. This message also have disadvantage which is creating competition among them. However i believe the advantages outweigh the drawbacks.

hj

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 5.5

You address both sides of the question and give a clear overall view in the conclusion: the message can encourage effort, but may also foster competition, and you believe its advantages outweigh its drawbacks. The boarding-school examples make the discussion relevant. However, the advantages are mainly explained as working harder and adapting, while the disadvantage is largely repeated as children competing to be the best. The response would be more complete if you developed the consequences of each point—for example, how persistence can help children face setbacks, and when competition may harm cooperation or confidence. Your position is present, but the reasoning supporting it remains limited and sometimes unclear.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 5.0

The response has a recognisable structure, with an introduction, separate paragraphs for advantages and disadvantages, examples, and a conclusion. This helps the reader identify the main points. However, progression within paragraphs is sometimes unclear, and ideas are repeated rather than developed: competition is introduced, explained, and then restated in the second example. Some linking is mechanical, particularly repeated uses of “however” and “because.” The sentence beginning “For instance” is followed by a fragment (“Which was filled with people…”), interrupting the flow. Organise each body paragraph around one main claim, explain it in a clear sequence, and use pronouns and transitions that make the relationships between ideas explicit.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.0

You use enough topic-related vocabulary to communicate the main ideas, including “determined,” “competition,” “cooperation,” and “team work.” There are also attempts at more specific expressions such as “adapt” and “environment.” However, the range is limited and several word-choice, word-form, and spelling errors make the writing less clear or natural. Examples include “a sense of reponsible,” “the dismerit,” and “brilliant student among my pairs.” Repeated use of “children,” “message,” and “achieve” also limits variety. Build accuracy with common collocations and check spelling and word forms; this will make your ideas easier to follow without requiring more complicated vocabulary.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0

You attempt both simple and longer sentences, including clauses with “because” and “however,” but control is inconsistent. Errors occur frequently in sentence structure, agreement, articles, and verb forms. For example, “The advantage … is … and the disadvantage it might create” lacks a parallel grammatical structure, while “The merit … create … which made them work harder” shifts between present and past forms and has agreement problems. “For instance, When i was young…” is followed by the fragment “Which was filled…,” and “The children is likely” has incorrect agreement. These errors sometimes make relationships between ideas difficult to understand. Practise building complete sentences and checking subject–verb agreement, tense consistency, and punctuation, especially in longer sentences.

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