Band 5.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 5.0 · Cambridge IELTS 15 · 2026-11-06

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Student answer (Band 5.0)

In some traditions, people told that if, childrens work hard they can achive everything, however not in every situation because some time this statement may cause unnessary stress, overthinking, work overload, a part from this, they have some benifits such as consistancy, disipline, and make a primary students responsible. So they have both benefits and drawbacks.

When we talk about prons. So, i would like to say that if, minor childrens work hard they are consistant about anything they develop and achive everything though consistancy for instant, elon musk developed amazon website at the age of 17, one of the famous or well developed online shopping app this app use worldwide for online purchasing, a part from that primary childerns may responsible and getting serious about their studies which is a benificial for every children.

On the other side, this opinion have many cons like unnessary stress on youngsters, as a result they can effect badly to foundation and growth of every child to illustrate, if minor learners think about work. Other thing, they forget to develop their own knowldge, homework. another drawback is overload means excessive pressure may effect the mentality and a thinking ability of minor childrens morever, as a result they forget to maintain their physical and mental health.

In assence, peoples of few culture told these statement that children achive everything if they will work hard, So the own ability of students to do something is more better to pressurize, and never give a more freedom to primary learners.

Give a comfortable environment to childerns.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 5.0

You address both advantages and disadvantages, and your position that the message can have benefits but also create pressure is apparent in the opening. Relevant points include discipline and responsibility on the positive side, and stress and harm to children’s health on the negative side. However, these ideas are only partly developed: for example, the claim that hard work makes children “achive everything” is not qualified, and the example about Elon Musk is unclear and does not convincingly support the point. The conclusion also shifts to advice about freedom and a comfortable environment rather than clearly summarising the balance of advantages and disadvantages. Explain each effect more fully and keep the final position consistent with the discussion.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.5

The response has a basic overall structure, with an introduction, a paragraph on advantages, a paragraph on disadvantages, and a concluding section. This helps readers identify the two sides of the issue. However, progression within paragraphs is often difficult to follow, and linking expressions are repetitive or awkward. For instance, “When we talk about prons. So” interrupts the flow, while “a part from that” is used repeatedly to add points without showing how they relate. The final standalone sentence, “Give a comfortable environment to childerns,” is not integrated into the conclusion. Use clearer topic sentences, connect each explanation directly to its supporting example, and remove fragments or repeated transitions.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.0

You attempt vocabulary relevant to the topic, including “consistancy,” “discipline,” “excessive pressure,” and “physical and mental health.” These choices show an effort to discuss both outcomes and use some topic-specific language. However, the range is limited and many spelling and word-choice errors make parts of the response harder to understand, such as “prons,” “benifits,” “achive,” and “overthinking.” Some phrases are also unnatural or imprecise, including “developed amazon website” and “the own ability of students.” Build accuracy with common collocations and check spelling carefully. Prefer precise expressions such as “develop perseverance” or “place pressure on children” over repeated general claims about working hard.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0

You attempt both simple and longer sentences, including a contrast in the opening and cause-and-effect statements about pressure. However, the longer structures are often faulty, and frequent errors in sentence formation and agreement sometimes make meaning difficult to follow. Examples include “people told that,” “this opinion have many cons,” and “they can effect badly to foundation and growth.” There are also problems with articles, plurals, and punctuation, as in “a primary students” and the repeated commas after “if.” Aim first for accurate, complete sentences: for example, “Some people tell children that they can achieve anything if they work hard.” Then add complex clauses using clear patterns such as “Although hard work can build discipline, excessive pressure may harm children’s wellbeing.”

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