Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 15 · 2026-11-06

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Student answer (Band 5.5)

In some cultures, children are encourage to believe that hard work can help them achieve their goals. Although this approach has several advantages, it may also have disadvantages. This essay will discuss both the positive and negative aspects of this approach.

To commence with, there are several benefits of hard work. The main benefit is that, this view encourage to children that they work hard and try to get their favourite things. Moreover, this thought has increased the self-confidence of childs and this thing is stuck in their minds that they can achieve anything if they work hard. This is because, children learned how to achieve their desired goals. For example, we often told our child you can achieve anything if you try hard enough, he can never face failure in every fields of life. Therefore, we should encourage our children for gaining something, it can also help individuals to improve their lives.

On the other hand, there are also some disadvantages of this approach. One major drawback is that young people have made some unrealistic expactations, if they fail in getting their desire thing, they can blame themselves and many adolescents make sucide that are very painful for their family and relatives. However, this approach discourage our children and can lead to decrease hope on their hardwork, so they do not hard work and waste their whole lives. For instance, if a student has failed in their exams after try hard enough, most probably he will not work very hard in his next attempt. Whereas, these negative effects should not be ignored.

In conclusion, this approach has several benefits, it also has some drawbacks. In my opinion, both advantages and disadvantages should be considered carefully.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 5.5

You address both sides of the question, with one paragraph on the benefits of effort-based encouragement and another on possible harms such as unrealistic expectations and self-blame. The opening also makes the topic clear. However, the discussion is only partly developed: the benefits are mostly stated generally, and the example about a child never facing failure is unclear and does not convincingly support the point. The claim that adolescents may die by suicide is serious but is presented without explanation of how this message could lead to that outcome. Your conclusion repeats that there are advantages and disadvantages but does not clarify which effects matter most. Explain each main idea more carefully and use examples that directly demonstrate it.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 5.5

The response has a recognisable structure: an introduction, separate paragraphs for advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion. Transitions such as “Moreover,” “On the other hand,” and “In conclusion” help signal the direction of the discussion. However, progression within paragraphs is sometimes difficult to follow because several claims are joined without clear explanation. For example, the benefits paragraph moves from self-confidence to learning goals and then to never facing failure, without showing how these points connect. The disadvantage paragraph similarly shifts from unrealistic expectations to suicide and then to reduced effort. Some linking phrases, including “Whereas,” do not clearly express the relationship intended. Organise each paragraph around one main point, then explain and illustrate it before moving on.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.0

You use enough topic-related vocabulary to communicate the general discussion, including “self-confidence,” “unrealistic expectations,” “failure,” and “desired goals.” There are also attempts to vary expression through phrases such as “major drawback.” However, the range is limited and several word-choice, collocation, and spelling errors make parts awkward or unclear. Examples include “favourite things,” “this thought,” “desire thing,” and “decrease hope on their hardwork”; “expactations” and “sucide” are misspelled. Repetition of “hard work,” “approach,” and “children” also limits flexibility. Build a more precise vocabulary for effort, outcomes, and resilience, and check spelling and natural word combinations when editing.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0

You attempt both simple and complex sentences, including a concession in the introduction and conditional structures such as “if they fail” and “if a student has failed.” However, the range is limited, and errors occur frequently enough to make some sentences difficult to interpret. For example, “children are encourage” has an incorrect verb form, while “this view encourage to children that they work hard” has problems with agreement and sentence construction. There are also errors in number and agreement in “childs” and “he can never face failure in every fields of life,” as well as awkward clause connections in “One major drawback is that young people have made some unrealistic expectations, if they fail…”. Practise accurate subject–verb agreement, verb forms, and sentence boundaries, then proofread each sentence.

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