Band 5.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 5.0 · Cambridge IELTS 15 · 2026-11-07

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Student answer (Band 5.0)

There is no denying the fact that childhood in somthing that must be taken serious. While it is commonly believe that in some traditions children are convenced that they can do enything that they dream of if they work hard because this help them to offer better future and being responsible, while there is also arguments that forcing kids to work hard may causes them health problems and loosing interest in life. This essay will explain the benefites and drawbacks of this belief.

On one hand kids who learn how to deppend on themselves since yonug ages are often the successful ones. Offering bettre future needs hard work since young ages to achieve big dreams, for example, millionairs always reveal that they did not achieve an important role in the society if they did not work hard from their young age. In addition children who depend on themselves are more responsible and mature than others who do not know how to deal with big problems, one instance, a child who is used to work every day is more productive than another one who depend on his family. Teaching youth the importance of responsability and work since you ages can lead to the succes of the whole country.

On other hand, minors still have the right to live their lives peacfully. Forcing a kid that working hard is essencial can causes him mental problems such as insecurity are addopting selfish attitudes by trying always to prove that they are better than others. Furthermore it increase the rates of deppresion, many kids loss interest in life because the pressure that they receive from their families trying to force them to do things that outrace their capacities, one illustration for this, when I was young I lost interest in school because my mom forcesd me to get higher marks in maths.

Kids are human being that should live all stages of life in a perfect way

To conclude, despite all the advantages of this believe, childreen should not spent more energy in anything.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 5.5

You address both advantages and disadvantages, and your position is broadly clear: hard work may encourage responsibility and achievement, but excessive pressure can harm children. The examples about a child becoming productive and your experience with maths help make the discussion relevant. However, several points are asserted rather than explained. For instance, the claim that this belief can lead to “the success of the whole country” is not developed, and the disadvantages focus mainly on pressure from parents rather than the broader message that effort can overcome any obstacle. The conclusion is also unclear: saying children should not “spent more energy in anything” does not precisely state what message adults should give. Develop each side more fully and answer the question directly in your final position.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 5.0

The response has a recognisable structure, with an introduction, separate paragraphs for advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion. Signposts such as “On one hand,” “On other hand,” and “To conclude” help readers identify the stages of the discussion. However, progression within paragraphs is uneven: several ideas are joined into long sentences, and the links between claims and examples are sometimes unclear. For example, the move from children’s responsibility to “the success of the whole country” is abrupt. Some transitions are also repetitive or awkward, and the final sentence is detached from the preceding conclusion. Use clearer topic sentences, divide complex points into shorter units, and make each example explicitly support the claim before moving to the next idea.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.0

You attempt vocabulary relevant to the topic, including “responsible,” “mature,” “mental problems,” “pressure,” and “interest in life.” These choices allow the reader to follow the main discussion. However, the range is limited and many spelling and word-choice errors make the writing less clear, such as “convenced,” “deppend,” “benefites,” and “deppresion.” Some combinations are also unnatural, including “offering better future” and “outrace their capacities.” Repetition of “work hard,” “children,” and “successful” further limits flexibility. Build a more accurate set of topic phrases and check spelling carefully; also learn words in natural combinations, such as “strive to achieve goals” and “excessive academic pressure,” rather than translating phrases directly.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0

You attempt both simple and complex sentences, including clauses introduced by “because,” “while,” and “who,” but control is inconsistent. Errors in verb forms and agreement occur frequently: “this help them,” “may causes,” “it increase,” and “my mom forcesd” should use correctly matched forms. There are also problems with infinitives and sentence construction, as in “a child who is used to work” and “such as insecurity are adopting selfish attitudes.” Several sentences run together, particularly in the introduction and the paragraph about disadvantages, making relationships between ideas difficult to follow. Practise building accurate sentences with one main claim and a clearly attached supporting clause, then check subject–verb agreement, verb patterns, and punctuation.

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