Band 5.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 5.0 · Cambridge IELTS 15 · 2026-11-09

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Student answer (Band 5.0)

I dont think children there is any disadvantages in this quote or we can say in this saying because if you look at the quote you'll find out that telling children this would make them work hard for their goal wht they wanna achieve in the future. This will make them grind longer for there goal in particular the dreams they have for there future. Intead this will motivate them to work harder for their betterment as well as the people associated with them for example their parents and other loved ones. We can find great examples in the foam of superstars or athletes. They work hard to reach where they are right now in this world and influence so many young children and adults around them. Greatest example of them all is shahid afridi. He came from a very poor family from northern KPK. He was raised by a single father who use to sell warm eggs and support his son in his cricketing journy. He was so poor even he couldn't buy a cricket bat to play with but lster on he grinded so hard that he was able to score to runs and selected for Pakistan national cricket team. He is just another example of so many people who came before him and will keep on comming. We definitely should tell our children that you can achieve anything if you work hard and be consistent in life. Telling them this will make them work harder to achieve goals.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.5

You take a clear position in favour of telling children that effort can help them achieve their goals, and the Shahid Afridi example gives the response a relevant personal illustration. However, the task asks for both advantages and disadvantages, while your response argues almost entirely for the advantages and explicitly says there are no disadvantages. This leaves a major part of the question unanswered. The example is also lengthy and focused on one person, so it does not fully explain the broader benefits or consider possible drawbacks, such as children feeling discouraged when effort alone cannot overcome circumstances. To improve, discuss both sides directly and develop each with a clear explanation and a concise example.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 5.0

The response has a recognisable line of thought: it introduces the message, explains that it may motivate children, gives an example, and ends by restating the recommendation. Linking phrases such as “for example” and “We definitely should” help show these connections. However, the ideas are presented as one continuous paragraph, and there is little overall progression beyond repeating that hard work helps people succeed. The long account of Afridi interrupts the general discussion, while “Intead” does not clearly signal a contrast. Organise the response into paragraphs for the introduction, advantages, disadvantages, and conclusion. Use clear transitions between these sections and avoid repeating the same claim in the final sentences.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.0

You use some relevant vocabulary for the topic, including “achieve,” “goal,” “motivate,” “consistent,” and “influence.” These words make your main point understandable, and the example adds specific detail. However, the range is limited and several expressions are informal or imprecise for an academic essay, such as “grind,” “where they are right now in this world,” and “so many people who came before him.” There are also noticeable spelling errors, including “Intead,” “journy,” and “comming,” as well as incorrect forms such as “foam” for “form.” Aim for more precise academic phrasing and check spelling carefully. For instance, describe how effort can “support progress” rather than saying children should “grind longer.”

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0

You attempt some longer sentences using clauses and examples, and the reader can generally follow your central message. However, the range of sentence structures is limited, and frequent errors affect clarity. The opening, “I dont think children there is any disadvantages,” has faulty word order and agreement; a clearer form would be “I do not think there are any disadvantages for children.” Other examples include “He was raised by a single father who use to sell,” where the verb form should agree with the past narrative, and “He was so poor even he couldn't buy,” which needs a clearer clause connection. Punctuation and sentence boundaries also need attention. Practise accurate simple sentences first, then add subordinate clauses while checking tense, agreement, and punctuation.

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