Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 15 · 2026-11-09

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Student answer (Band 5.5)

In several contries, young generations are often told that they can obtain anything if they work more hard. Overall, giving this message to childeren have both advantages and drawback, which we will disscuss further in this essay.

On this hand, advantages of giving message ofently to kids that you can do anything when you do hard work. such as boosting confidence, improve their moral of doing work hard on things like studying more hard to get higher position in exams. furthermore when you are boosting their confidence level with telling them that you are capable of doing everything in your life, this will definetly high confidence of children and they will work more serious on making their bright future.

On the other side of this, there is also some drawbacks of giving youngsters this message that you can achieve anything if you do more work. for instance, if you are convinceing you children that you have to hard work then you get results better. it will destroy the child mental health as he work everytime and try hard. but if on the result day if he fail to achieve his desire position or something big in his life for which he work hard enough, As a reusult many young people will go for illegall things to do like attempting suside which is a growing concern in many thirds country of the word. in addition main reason is our culture parents and people who trying to get hard work from their kids.

In conclusion, the growing conceren of todays era, that our cummunities trying oftenlly and convey inapproiate message to youngster. if they try hard for their goal they will get their results in anything they want. that will cost them to lose children life, these youngster will become frustrated, anxious etc. whereas there is some benificial from this statement of this such as students and children will feel confident and their moral will increased significantly.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 5.5

The response addresses both sides of the question: it presents confidence and motivation as advantages, and pressure, frustration, and possible harm to mental health as disadvantages. This gives the essay a relevant central focus. However, the ideas are only partly developed. For example, the claim that confidence may help children study is relevant, but the explanation of how this message supports them beyond exam performance is limited. The disadvantage paragraph makes a serious claim about children turning to illegal acts or suicide, but it is not carefully explained or supported, and the reference to “thirds country” is unclear. The conclusion repeats both sides rather than resolving them with a clear, balanced final position. Develop each point with a plausible explanation or example and clarify the overall view.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 5.5

The essay has a recognisable structure, with an introduction, separate paragraphs for advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion. The contrast between the two main body paragraphs is also clear in principle. However, progression within paragraphs is uneven: the disadvantage paragraph moves from hard work and mental health to failure, illegal acts, suicide, and parental culture without clearly connecting these points. Linking phrases such as “On the other side” and “In addition” are used, but some transitions feel mechanical or do not accurately show the relationship between ideas. References such as “this message” and “this statement” are sometimes vague. Organise each paragraph around one main claim, then explain its cause and consequence in sequence, using more precise links between sentences.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.0

The response uses some vocabulary relevant to the topic, including “boosting confidence,” “mental health,” “frustrated,” and “anxious.” These choices help communicate the main ideas. However, the range is limited and several word-choice, collocation, and spelling errors make parts difficult to understand. Examples include “work more hard,” “high confidence,” “desire position,” and “growing conceren”; “thirds country of the word” is especially unclear. Repetition of “hard work,” “message,” and “children” also limits flexibility. Build a more accurate set of topic phrases and check spelling carefully. Prefer natural combinations such as “work hard,” “raise confidence,” and “desired outcome,” and use alternatives like “young people” or “students” where appropriate.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0

There are attempts to use both simple and more extended sentences, including conditional structures such as “if he fail to achieve” and a cause-and-effect explanation beginning “as a result.” However, complex sentences are often faulty, and errors in agreement, verb forms, articles, and sentence boundaries occur frequently. For example, “giving this message to childeren have” has a subject–verb agreement problem, while “if you are convinceing you children” contains errors in the verb form and possessive. The sentence beginning “On this hand” also continues with a fragment, and the final paragraph contains several sentences beginning with lowercase letters after full stops. Practise building complete sentences with one clear main clause, then check agreement, verb forms, and punctuation.

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