Band 6.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.5 · Cambridge IELTS 15 · 2026-11-10

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Student answer (Band 6.5)

Some cultures value hard work above all else and instill in their young ones the lesson that hard work is the key to success. While hard work is undeniably one of the most important factors determining success, the significance of other factors like luck, timing and opportunity should be explained to children as well.

Hard work is usually the most common reason that is given when someone is asked about the reason behind their success. There are examples of people giving everything they can to improve their skills, or to build a bigger startup. The winner of gold medal in Olympics from our country described in his interview how everyday he used to rise up early in the morning to practice. After training he used to go to school, come back and start practicing again late until night. Dedicating his life for almost 20 years led him to become the best in his field and win this medal.

While the significance of hard work should never be downplayed, we should also make sure young kids are aware of how luck and time placement have a significant impact in life. Instilling in a child that failure occurs just because a person's efforts and dedication can hurt his/her self-esteem if ever he/she end up failing. They will keep blaming themselves for the failure, even though the circumstances around them are what caused the failure. This can lead to an unhealthy development of self-hate and other mental health issues. Becoming a software engineer in our country was easy 20 years ago due to booming IT industry. Today growing competition from AI makes becoming a software engineer much harder. Hard work is not the issue in this case but the outward cicrumstances.

Hard work should always be encouraged in children, but they should be made aware of unavoidable circumstances which sometimes can lead to failures, even when the individual had given it their all.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 6.5

Your response addresses both the benefits and drawbacks of telling children that effort can lead to success, and your position is clear: hard work matters, but children should also understand the role of circumstances beyond their control. The Olympic athlete example supports the benefit of persistence, while the software-engineering example illustrates how changing conditions can affect outcomes. This gives the discussion relevant support and shows some development beyond a simple list of points. However, the advantages are explored mainly through one example, and the essay does not fully explain how the message might build motivation, resilience, or confidence. The disadvantage is developed more fully, but the link between the examples and the precise message in the question could be made more explicit.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 7.0

The essay has a clear overall progression: the introduction presents a balanced position, the body paragraphs discuss effort and external circumstances, and the conclusion restates the central argument. Paragraphing is appropriate, and transitions such as “While” and “but” help signal contrast. The examples are generally placed where they support the relevant point. To make the progression more consistently smooth, connect some supporting details more explicitly to the paragraph’s main claim; for instance, explain directly how the athlete’s routine demonstrates an advantage of giving children this message. Some references, including “the failure” and “this case,” could be more precise about which situation or outcome they refer to. These refinements would make the cohesion more flexible and less dependent on broad linking phrases.

Lexical Resource: Band 6.0

You use an adequate range of vocabulary to discuss effort, achievement, and external influences, including “dedicating his life,” “self-esteem,” “circumstances,” and “competition.” These choices communicate the main ideas, and the topic-specific language is generally appropriate. There are also attempts at more precise phrasing, such as “outward circumstances,” although this expression is not natural in context. Some word choices and collocations are awkward or inaccurate: “time placement” would be better expressed as “timing,” and “rise up early” as “get up early.” “Build a bigger startup” is also unclear, while “cicrumstances” is misspelled. Greater control of natural collocations and more precise vocabulary would help you express the argument with less ambiguity.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 6.0

You use a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, including contrast clauses such as “While the significance of hard work should never be downplayed…” and a conditional structure beginning “if ever…”. Most sentences remain understandable, and the range is sufficient to explain examples and consequences. Some grammatical errors persist, however. In “The winner of gold medal,” an article is needed, and “how everyday he used to rise” has an awkward clause structure. The sentence “Instilling in a child that failure occurs…” is also incomplete in its construction; a clearer form would be “Telling a child that failure is always due to insufficient effort can…”. In “if ever he/she end up failing,” the verb should agree with the subject. Review articles, clause construction, and subject–verb agreement to improve accuracy.

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