Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 15 · 2026-11-11

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Student answer (Band 4.5)

When every person hard enough in life that won the struggle because that working with heart.

This statment is basically great because this is adventages message in this statment. when a person or chidren told that every thing achive with hard enough because this is very good statment. there are very adventages about statment because when i planned with heart this work do me when that work easily won. Every work hard for some people that not workng with heart because they are unwork people and boring with working therefore, that not happily with this statment.

Further, For the children message is very good for other people because other nations therefore, won in world that working hard and spent difficults times and stand for country therefore, that now high range. we should we work hard and ideas other people when that sad we help and satisfied with work because that people confused with some hard working.

For example we write example for one nation when that coming in world with hard working this name is nation is China. China is the popular country this country is mak ea every machines in all worlds and give easily provide every city therefore, that country national bank is very hard because every person stand with work achived for every ambition therefore, we should copy for this nation. Therefore, more example in the worlds for nations achived caltures.

To conclude, In some caltures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. we should adventags this message and very child should can achive told that anything they try hard enough.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.0

You identify the message as positive and give examples related to effort, ambition, and China, so the response is connected to the topic. However, the task asks for both advantages and disadvantages, and the essay mainly argues that the message is beneficial. The disadvantage is only hinted at in “some people” who do not work with enthusiasm; this point is unclear and not explained. The China example also does not clearly show how telling children they can achieve anything affects them. Develop one specific benefit and one specific risk, such as motivation versus disappointment when goals are unrealistic, and explain each with a relevant example. The 14 words copied from the task prompt were not counted.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.0

There is an attempt to organise the response into an opening, supporting paragraphs, an example, and a conclusion. Connectors such as “Further,” “For example,” and “To conclude” signal these stages. However, the ideas within paragraphs are difficult to follow, and the overall progression is not clear: the discussion moves from personal effort to other nations, then to China, without explaining how these points support the task. Several linking expressions, including “therefore,” are repeated or used where the relationship between ideas is unclear. Plan a paragraph for advantages and a separate one for disadvantages, then use clear topic sentences and make each example directly support its paragraph’s main point.

Lexical Resource: Band 4.5

The response uses a basic set of topic-related words, including “hard,” “work,” “children,” “country,” and “ambition,” and attempts some less common expressions such as “achieve” and “satisfied.” However, vocabulary is repetitive, and frequent spelling and word-choice errors strain the reader’s understanding. Examples include “adventages,” “statment,” “caltures,” and “mak ea”; phrases such as “working with heart” and “high range” are also unclear or unnatural in context. Build a more accurate range for discussing motivation and outcomes, and check spelling carefully. Choosing precise collocations will help communicate ideas without relying repeatedly on “work” and “hard.”

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5

You attempt to form longer sentences using words such as “because,” “when,” and “therefore,” but control of sentence structure is very limited. Many sentences lack a clear subject or complete verb pattern, as in “When every person hard enough in life that won the struggle,” while “we should we work hard” contains an unnecessary repeated subject. Verb forms and agreement are also frequently inaccurate, for example “every thing achive” and “this work do me.” These errors often make the intended meaning difficult to recover. Practise building accurate simple sentences first, with a clear subject and verb, then combine related ideas using one subordinate clause at a time. Check tense, articles, and singular/plural forms.

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