Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 15 · 2026-11-12

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Student answer (Band 6.0)

Nowadays, children motivation has become an important topic of discussion.

Children of some cultures think that they can get anything if they try hard with all of their heart. While, others think that there can be some disadvantages of it as well. In my opinion, A person can obtain everything if he keep going working on it with full passion.

Children can get motivated if someone told them to try hard enough if want to achieve something in their life. This can lead a child to open up his mindset and try various thing to get his desire thing. For instance, if a student want to obtain high marks in the exams, he will start study throughout the day and in evening as well to become better from other students. Even if we tired up while studying, this message will motivate him to do some more for the sake of high marks. Or if a aethlete want to break someon others record in 100 meters running, this quote will help him to run with all of his heart and one day he will able to break that record for sure.

On the other hand, there can be several disadvantages of this message. For example, if we talk about that student, i mentioned above he don't know how hard will be enough for him to get high marks in the exams. If he studies day and night, he might get some serious health issue such as headache or eye fatigue. Therefore, it important to work as smartly as he is trying hard for it.

In conclusion, Although there is nothing bad about this message that some cultures are delivering to their children, they should ask them to take some safety measures as well while trying hard to get their goals and ambitions.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 6.0

The response addresses both advantages and disadvantages and gives a clear overall view: the message can motivate children, but they should also take precautions. The examples of a student aiming for high marks and an athlete pursuing a record are relevant and help explain the motivational benefit. The health risks of studying excessively also provide a suitable counterpoint. However, some ideas are more fully explained than others: the athlete example mainly repeats the idea of trying hard, while the disadvantage paragraph could explain more clearly how unrealistic expectations or failure might affect a child. The conclusion restates the position but adds little development. To strengthen the response, explain the consequences of both benefits and drawbacks more fully and keep the discussion focused on the message itself.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 6.0

The essay has a recognisable overall structure, with an introduction, separate paragraphs for advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion. The progression from motivation to possible harm is easy to follow, and signposts such as “For instance,” “On the other hand,” and “In conclusion” help guide the reader. At times, however, cohesion is mechanical or unclear. The opening contrasts “children of some cultures” with “others,” although the task asks about advantages and disadvantages rather than opposing groups. References such as “this quote” and “that student” require the reader to infer exactly what is meant, and the long advantage paragraph combines several examples without a clear internal progression. Use more precise referencing and organise each paragraph around one main point, followed by explanation and an example.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.5

The response uses enough vocabulary to discuss motivation, achievement, and health, including “mindset,” “ambitions,” “health issue,” and “eye fatigue.” It also attempts some topic-specific expressions, such as “break a record.” However, word choice and collocation are often inaccurate or unnatural, which limits precision: “children motivation,” “get anything,” “desire thing,” and “become better from other students” do not express the intended ideas naturally. There are also spelling and word-form slips, including “aethlete” and “tired up.” These do not prevent the reader from understanding the main points, but they make the writing less fluent. Build a bank of natural collocations for effort, goals, and consequences, and check spelling and word forms during revision.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.5

The essay attempts both simple and more complex sentence forms, including conditional structures such as “if he studies day and night” and a contrastive opening with “Although.” The main ideas remain understandable, but some errors in verb forms, agreement, articles, and sentence construction reduce accuracy. For example, “if he keep going” needs subject–verb agreement, while “a student want” and “he don't know” also have agreement errors. In “he will start study,” the verb pattern is incorrect, and “it important” is missing a verb. Punctuation around the opening “While” and the capitalisation of “i” also need attention. Practise checking each sentence for a clear subject and correctly formed verb, while retaining the range of structures you are attempting.

See this exact question answered at other band scores. The same prompt compared across bands.

Browse more IELTS Writing model answers or get your own writing scored by the same AI examiner.