Band 6.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.5 · Cambridge IELTS 15 · 2026-08-05

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Student answer (Band 6.5)

In many cultures, people believe that hard work and determination can help them succeed in their life. Some people argue that it can be beneficial while others believe that it can be disadvantageous. The disadvantages of this notion outweighs its advantages.

To commence with disadvantages, the most prominent pitfall is that it creates an unrealistic mindset and expectations. This can be true as to succeed in life, just hard work cannot guarantee the success while talent and focus is also crucial. Moreover, it can build pressure and cause stress. For an instance, as a student is pressured to determine victory, they try their best while due to many circumstances, it is not possible to achieve which causes them to blame themselves for their lose and the circumstance; causing stress.

Moving further, another prominent drawback of the notion is that it may encourage them to perceive an unrealistic goal without seeking anyone's help. This can also create an unhealthy competition for them which can prevent them from finding their strengths. This can lead to ignoring their weakness, eventually, slowly working towards the lose.

Conversely, it is also possible to make an opposing case. The major advantage of this notion is that it can help an individual build confidence and learn perseverance to achieve their ambitions. For an example, youth tends to attempt difficult tasks as they have encouragement and ambition in them to achieve their goals and by having an encouragement that they can achieve anything with their hard work, it inspires them to set a higher goal for them to accomplish.

To conclude, although this message has plethora of drawbacks, however, the benefits can not be underestimated. Therefore, this message should be given to the children while also teaching them the drawbacks and assets of trying hard.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 6.5

You have addressed all parts of the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of the message. Your position is clear from the introduction, and you maintain this stance throughout the essay. However, some ideas are slightly under-developed. For example, the explanation of why this message leads to 'unhealthy competition' is brief and could benefit from a more concrete illustration. While you provide examples, such as the student pressured to achieve victory, the link between the message and the specific outcome could be more explicitly articulated to reach a higher band. Overall, the response is relevant and well-structured.

Coherence and Cohesion — Band 7.0

The essay is logically organized with a clear progression of ideas. You use a variety of cohesive devices such as 'To commence with', 'Moreover', 'Moving further', and 'Conversely' to guide the reader. Paragraphing is used effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are minor issues with the use of cohesive devices; for instance, the phrase 'although this message has plethora of drawbacks, however' is redundant as it uses both a subordinating conjunction and a coordinating conjunction in the same clause. Despite these minor mechanical errors, the flow of the essay remains clear and easy to follow.

Lexical Resource — Band 6.5

You demonstrate a sufficient range of vocabulary to discuss the topic with some precision. You use terms like 'unrealistic mindset', 'perseverance', and 'ambitions' effectively. There are some instances of slightly awkward word choices or collocations, such as 'determine victory' (instead of 'achieve success') and 'working towards the lose' (instead of 'failure'). Additionally, 'assets' is not the most natural antonym for 'drawbacks' in this context; 'benefits' or 'advantages' would be more appropriate. While these errors do not impede communication, they prevent the vocabulary from reaching a higher level of sophistication.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 6.0

You use a mix of simple and complex sentence structures throughout the essay. While many sentences are clear, there are several grammatical slips. For example, 'the disadvantages... outweighs' should be 'outweigh' to agree with the plural subject. You also have some issues with articles and prepositions, such as 'for an instance' (should be 'for instance') and 'for an example' (should be 'for example'). Furthermore, the sentence 'as a student is pressured to determine victory, they try their best while due to many circumstances, it is not possible to achieve' is somewhat clunky. Improving control over these minor errors would enhance your score.

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