Band 5.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 5.0 · Cambridge IELTS 15 · 2026-08-11

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Student answer (Band 5.0)

In some cultures are quite often told that if they want to achieve anything they just have to try hard to get it. In this essay it will cover both advantages and disadvantages of such message that are given to children.

Firstly, the [scribbled out] [scribbled out] advantages of this messages does have an impact especially during the growing mental stage of children. The benefit of this message is that it allows children to have freedom of choice and there is not external pressure from parents and societal expectations, [scribbled out] [scribbled out] [scribbled out]. Another reason is that this leads to a child discovering new skills and passion which they are interested in. And when children are told they can achieve anything it gives them more encouragement to achieve a certain goal and establishes discipline and hard work from a young age.

As for the disadvantages of saying they can achieve anything they want if they try hard enough. It is counter intuitive as it can discourage the child from trying anything because they were told its hard to achieve something which makes them believe that everything is hard to do. And the child whose still in the developmental stage doesn't have an idea of what he wants to do and doesn't the challenges and economic problems of the outside world, which can lead to them making a bad choice in terms of job opportunity and scope in future.

In conclusion , although the phrase may seem harmless and lighthearted can backfire if not done and said in a proper way. so the phrase that children can acheive anything if they try hard enough is a disadvantage .

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 5.0

The essay addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of the prompt. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited. For instance, the argument regarding 'freedom of choice' is mentioned but not clearly explained, and the disadvantage section is slightly confusing, as it suggests the message is counter-intuitive because it makes children believe 'everything is hard,' which contradicts the premise of the prompt. The conclusion is also abrupt and lacks a balanced summary of the points discussed. To improve, ensure that each point is supported by a clear example or logical explanation, and maintain a consistent position throughout the essay.

Coherence and Cohesion — Band 5.0

The essay is organized into paragraphs, which helps the reader follow the structure. However, the use of cohesive devices is mechanical and sometimes inaccurate. For example, the transition 'As for the disadvantages' is acceptable, but the internal flow within paragraphs is often disjointed. The referencing is occasionally unclear, such as in the phrase 'such message that are given to children.' Furthermore, the presence of scribbled-out text negatively impacts the overall presentation and flow of the writing. Improving the use of linking words and ensuring clear logical progression between sentences would significantly enhance the coherence of the response.

Lexical Resource — Band 5.0

The vocabulary is generally adequate for the task but lacks the range and precision required for a higher band. The student relies on basic phrasing, such as 'try hard' and 'achieve anything,' which are repeated throughout the text. There are also some awkward collocations and word choices, such as 'growing mental stage' instead of 'developmental stage' and 'doesn't the challenges,' where a verb is missing. To reach a higher band, the student should aim to use more sophisticated vocabulary and synonyms to avoid repetition and demonstrate a better grasp of academic register.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.0

The essay contains a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are frequent grammatical errors that occasionally impede clarity. For example, the opening sentence is missing a subject ('In some cultures are quite often told...'). There are also issues with subject-verb agreement ('the advantages of this messages does have') and missing words ('doesn't the challenges'). While the meaning is generally understandable, these persistent errors in basic grammar and punctuation prevent the essay from reaching a higher band. Focusing on sentence construction and proofreading for basic errors would be beneficial.

See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.

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