Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer
Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 15 · 2026-08-13
IELTS Writing Task 2 question
In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?
Student answer (Band 5.5)
Parents are the first teachers of children, they learn what they observe at home. It is notice in some families that children are encouraged by their elders that they can achieve anything in life what they want to do. This essay will discuss both advantages and disadvantages.
On the one hand, teaching valuable skills at childhood often have numerous advantages among children. Firstly, they become more confident and disciplined if their parents give supportive environment which is very essential to become successful in life. Therefore, parents play an important role to build their children personality. For example, children who are motivated by their parents always perform better in both studies and in games.
On the other hand, sometimes when parents put pressure on their children about doing extra hardwork, children often feel burden which make them unable to perform well in their own lives. For instance, most of the children feel stressed when their parents put pressure doing harder work.
In conclusion, although there are many benefits of pushing children to do better in their life, it is essential that they should follow choose things by their own. Parents should only motivate them instead of putting pressure on them.
AI examiner evaluation
| Criterion | Band |
|---|---|
| Task Achievement / Task Response | 5.0 |
| Coherence and Cohesion | 6.0 |
| Lexical Resource | 5.5 |
| Grammatical Range and Accuracy | 5.5 |
| Overall | 5.5 |
Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 5.0
The response fails to meet the minimum word count requirement of 250 words, reaching only 199 words. This significantly impacts the development of ideas. While the essay addresses both advantages and disadvantages, the arguments are underdeveloped and lack sufficient depth or specific examples. The introduction is brief, and the body paragraphs rely on general statements rather than detailed exploration. To achieve a higher band, you must expand your points with more thorough explanations and illustrative examples to meet the length requirement and provide a more comprehensive discussion of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion — Band 6.0
The essay is organized into logical paragraphs, and there is a clear progression of ideas. You use basic cohesive devices such as 'On the one hand', 'On the other hand', and 'In conclusion' to signal shifts in the argument. However, the internal cohesion within paragraphs is sometimes mechanical, and the flow between sentences could be smoother. The referencing is generally clear, but the limited length prevents the use of more sophisticated cohesive structures. To improve, focus on using a wider variety of linking words and ensuring that each sentence logically follows from the previous one.
Lexical Resource — Band 5.5
The vocabulary used is adequate for the task but remains quite basic and repetitive. Phrases like 'perform better', 'do better', and 'put pressure' are used frequently. There is little evidence of less common or idiomatic vocabulary. For instance, instead of 'valuable skills', you could use 'essential life competencies', and instead of 'feel burden', you could use 'experience psychological strain'. To reach a higher band, you should aim to incorporate a more varied range of vocabulary, including collocations and topic-specific terminology, while ensuring accurate word choice.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.5
The essay contains a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are several grammatical errors that occur throughout the text. Examples include 'It is notice' (should be 'It is noticed'), 'at childhood' (should be 'in childhood'), and 'build their children personality' (should be 'build their children's personalities'). Additionally, there are issues with article usage and subject-verb agreement. While these errors do not completely impede communication, they are frequent enough to affect the overall clarity. Focusing on proofreading for basic grammatical accuracy and diversifying your sentence structures will help improve your score.
See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.
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