Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 15 · 2026-08-13

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Student answer (Band 6.0)

Many people believe that if we try our best, we will be able to achieve our dreams and we learn this believe from our childhood as many cultures follow this. There are some benefits as well as drawbacks associated with this belief and this essay will discuss and explain them.

Children are often told that hard work is the key to become success in life. Moreover, without trying it is not possible to achieve something because everything is not so easy in this world. Every success requires patience, determination and enthusiasm. As a result, children become motivated and focused on their tasks. For example, to do a good result in mathematics, it is essential to practice more and more. Without practice, there is a chance to get lower mark or even be fail in this particular subject.

However, extreme hard work has some disadvantages. In some job places, particularly in corporate sectors, there are often heavy workloads and unhealthy working environments. As a consequence, employees often become burnout and lead poor work-life balance. Furthermore, many children do extra assignments, quizzes and homework to get a higher score in their academic life. As a consequence, they often become frustrated and reduce motivation. For instance, many children can become sick during their public examination due to high pressure.

In conclusion, it is highly important to try several times to achieve something hard. However, people, especially children and adults should know when to act properly and change decisions if needed. Therefore, it is significant to teach children about persistence as well as making perfect decisions whenever necessary.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 6.0

The response addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of the prompt. The position is clear, and the ideas are generally relevant. However, the development of these ideas is somewhat superficial. For instance, the discussion on the disadvantages focuses on 'corporate sectors' and 'burnout', which is a slight shift from the focus on children. While the essay covers all parts of the task, the arguments could be more thoroughly extended with more specific examples or deeper analysis to reach a higher band. The conclusion is a bit abrupt and does not fully synthesize the points made in the body paragraphs.

Coherence and Cohesion — Band 6.5

The essay is organized into logical paragraphs, each with a clear central topic. Cohesive devices such as 'Moreover', 'As a result', 'However', and 'In conclusion' are used to link ideas. However, the use of these devices is sometimes mechanical or repetitive. For example, 'As a consequence' is used twice in the same paragraph, which affects the flow. Referencing is generally clear, but the progression of ideas within paragraphs could be smoother. The overall structure is coherent, but the transitions between sentences occasionally feel a bit disjointed.

Lexical Resource — Band 6.0

The vocabulary is adequate for the task, allowing the writer to express their ideas clearly. There are some attempts at less common vocabulary, such as 'determination', 'enthusiasm', and 'persistence'. However, there are several word-choice errors and awkward collocations, such as 'become success' (should be 'become successful'), 'do a good result' (should be 'achieve good results'), and 'learn this believe' (should be 'learn this belief'). These errors do not impede communication, but they demonstrate a limited range and some inaccuracy in word formation.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 6.0

The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. While the meaning is generally clear, there are frequent grammatical errors throughout the text. Examples include 'everything is not so easy' (awkward phrasing), 'there is a chance to get lower mark or even be fail' (incorrect verb form), and 'employees often become burnout' (should be 'become burnt out'). Punctuation is generally correct, but the frequency of grammatical slips prevents the essay from reaching a higher band. The sentence structures are functional but lack the flexibility and accuracy required for a higher score.

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