Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 15 · 2026-08-16

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Student answer (Band 6.0)

The growing influence of work hard in the modern society has sparked various debates. In some cultures, children are often told that if they try work hard, they can achieve anything they want in the world. In this essay, I will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of work hard with some suitable examples.

Firstly, the key benefits of work hard, if student spent the more time on books, then they get good marks in exam rather than those students which do not focus on education. At the early age children want to try a lot of new thing if their parents or teachers guide well about things then they improve problems with hard work and gain experience about things which are helpful in the future. For example, if a student get lecture in school and then in home, they approximately spend all time on books and get rewards in the final exam when they get the 90% to 95% marks.

Beside the merits of hard work, some issues when you work hard, in the modern world they need a smart work rather than the hard work. When children spend more time on work, then their brain feel boring and brain do not work properly and sometimes children suffer from the brain diseases. Furthermore, when children do not play games only focus on work then they do not improve their experience about the teamwork and communication skills. For instance, if a student spent more time on books or work then they create problems about the eyes diseases and sometimes doctor recommend the glasses.

In conclusion, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try work hard. In my opinion, children need only spent the smart time on books or work and other time spend on activities like cricket, running and football.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 6.0

The response addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of the prompt. However, the development of ideas is somewhat superficial. For instance, the argument regarding 'smart work' versus 'hard work' is introduced but lacks depth, and the examples provided, such as '90% to 95% marks' or 'doctor recommend the glasses', are simplistic and anecdotal. The position is clear, but the essay would benefit from more sophisticated reasoning and a more balanced exploration of the psychological or long-term implications of the message given to children. The conclusion is brief and does not fully synthesize the points raised.

Coherence and Cohesion — Band 6.0

The essay is organized into clear paragraphs, which helps the reader follow the progression of ideas. Cohesive devices are used, such as 'Firstly', 'Beside the merits', and 'In conclusion', but they are sometimes used mechanically or incorrectly (e.g., 'Beside the merits of hard work, some issues...'). Referencing is occasionally unclear, such as the use of 'they' in the second paragraph, where the antecedent is ambiguous. While the overall structure is logical, the flow between sentences is sometimes disjointed due to grammatical errors, which occasionally hinders the smooth progression of the argument.

Lexical Resource — Band 5.5

The range of vocabulary is adequate for the task but lacks precision and sophistication. There is frequent repetition of basic phrases like 'work hard', 'spend time', and 'books'. Some word choices are unnatural or inaccurate, such as 'brain feel boring', 'brain diseases', and 'create problems about the eyes diseases'. These errors reflect a limited control over collocation and academic register. To reach a higher band, you should aim to use more precise terminology and vary your vocabulary to avoid repetitive phrasing.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.5

The essay displays a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are frequent grammatical errors throughout. Common issues include subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'if a student get lecture'), incorrect verb forms (e.g., 'children need only spent'), and awkward phrasing (e.g., 'the growing influence of work hard'). Punctuation is generally functional, but sentence construction is often clumsy. While the meaning is usually clear, the frequency of errors is high enough to distract the reader and prevent the essay from reaching a higher band.

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