Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer
Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 15 · 2026-08-20
IELTS Writing Task 2 question
In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?
Student answer (Band 5.5)
In some cultures, children are told to try hard to gain anything they want. This essay will cover not only the advantages but also the disadvantages.
One significant advantage of saying children to try hard to achieve anything is that they can be more serious on their study. This is mainly because they will do hard work to compete with other students. Consequently, they will be more motivated to complete their study on time. For example, if someone gives motivation to a child to do hard work to achieve a good result in the examination and if a student works hard to gain this , then finally this will be beneficial for the children in their future career.
On the other hand, one disadvantage of child to give the message to achieve anything if they try hard enough is that they can be more rigorous to do anything without thinking the positive effects on them. As a result, a child can be more obdurate to achieve any harmful things as well as it will create detrimental effect on the environment. For instance, if a child tries hard and sole to take anyone else's mobile phone of their family, then it can cause a noisy situation in their family. Consequently, it will hamper the peaceful situation of their family.
In conclusion, Although there are many advantages of saying children to try hard enough to acquire anything , it has also detrimental effects not only for children but also for the society and the family.
AI examiner evaluation
| Criterion | Band |
|---|---|
| Task Achievement / Task Response | 5.5 |
| Coherence and Cohesion | 5.5 |
| Lexical Resource | 5.0 |
| Grammatical Range and Accuracy | 5.0 |
| Overall | 5.5 |
Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 5.5
The essay addresses both the advantages and disadvantages as requested. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited and repetitive. For example, the advantage section focuses solely on academic performance, while the disadvantage section uses a rather weak and confusing example about a mobile phone to illustrate 'obdurate' behavior. To reach a higher band, you need to provide more nuanced arguments and clearer, more logical examples that demonstrate a deeper understanding of the psychological or social implications of this message.
Coherence and Cohesion — Band 5.5
The essay is organized into clear paragraphs, and there is a logical progression from the introduction to the body paragraphs and the conclusion. You use some cohesive devices such as 'Consequently', 'For example', and 'On the other hand'. However, the flow is sometimes hindered by awkward phrasing and repetitive sentence structures. The transition between ideas could be smoother, and the use of cohesive devices is occasionally mechanical. Improving the variety of linking words and ensuring that each paragraph has a strong, clear topic sentence would enhance the overall coherence.
Lexical Resource — Band 5.0
The vocabulary is generally adequate for the task but lacks the precision and range required for higher bands. There are several instances of unnatural word choices or incorrect collocations, such as 'saying children to try hard' (should be 'telling children to try hard') and 'tries hard and sole' (likely meant 'tries hard and soul' or 'tries with all their might'). The word 'obdurate' is used in a context that does not quite fit its meaning. Expanding your vocabulary to include more academic collocations and precise terminology would significantly improve your score.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.0
The essay contains a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are frequent grammatical errors that occasionally impede the flow of reading. Examples include 'saying children to try hard', 'without thinking the positive effects', and 'it has also detrimental effects'. There are also issues with article usage and prepositional phrases. While the meaning is generally clear, the frequency of these errors prevents the writing from reaching a higher band. Focusing on subject-verb agreement and correct preposition usage will help improve your accuracy.
See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.
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