Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 15 · 2026-08-20

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Student answer (Band 4.5)

hardworking is the key of success ,if a normal people are want to achieve a thing of he doing hardwork with determination it is possible that he achieved that thing. in some cultures, children says that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough . this talk was good to giving children this message in limited way . i will give you advantages or disadvantages of this statement.

To begin, this statement was giving to children was good in this way, if a child want to become a first in his class he do very hard work to achieve his aim then it is possible that he is first in class. for example: my friend Ali said to me that he want to become a berucurate he do hard work but he is fail in his first attempt but he did not lose his courage he is focus only on his aim. the he do hard work and he pass his exam and he is now assistant commisionier.

the disadvantages is that if we give this message to childrens in negative that was if a children want to buy a mobile phone which was not good for child they said to his papa and buy anew phone this was disadvantage.

to conclusion, it is good thing to give message to childrn in good way

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 4.5

The response addresses the prompt by identifying advantages and disadvantages, but the development is insufficient. The ideas are under-developed, and the word count is below the 250-word minimum, which significantly impacts the score. The explanation of the 'disadvantage' is particularly unclear and lacks logical depth, failing to fully explore the implications of the message. To improve, you should provide more detailed examples and ensure that both sides of the argument are explored with equal depth and clarity. The position is stated, but the lack of length and depth prevents a higher band.

Coherence and Cohesion — Band 5.0

The essay is organized into paragraphs, but the progression of ideas is weak. While there are some attempts at cohesive devices like 'To begin' and 'to conclusion', they are used mechanically and sometimes incorrectly. The flow between sentences is often disjointed, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument. Referencing is inconsistent, and the lack of complex linking words hinders the overall coherence. To improve, focus on using a wider variety of transition signals and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear, singular focus that connects logically to the next.

Lexical Resource — Band 4.5

The vocabulary is limited and repetitive, often relying on basic words like 'good', 'thing', and 'hard work'. There are frequent errors in word choice and spelling, such as 'berucurate' (bureaucrat), 'commisionier' (commissioner), and 'childerns'. These errors occasionally impede the reader's understanding. The range of vocabulary is insufficient to express complex ideas effectively. To improve, you should work on learning topic-specific collocations and synonyms to avoid repetition and increase precision in your writing.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 4.5

The grammar is characterized by frequent errors in sentence structure, subject-verb agreement, and tense usage. For example, 'if a normal people are want to achieve' is grammatically incorrect. Many sentences are fragmented or run-on, which obscures the intended meaning. There is a lack of complex sentence structures, and the control over basic grammar is inconsistent. To improve, focus on mastering basic sentence construction, subject-verb agreement, and consistent verb tenses before attempting more complex structures.

See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.

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