Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 15 · 2026-08-21

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Student answer (Band 5.5)

In this modern era, the education play a vital role in shaping children's career. However, a section of society deems that, if youngsters do hard work then they can achieve anything they want. This essay will not only discuss pros associated with the given statement but cons will also be highlighted while concluding.

To begin with, there are many advantages of working hard is enough to make career. Although, students can easily achieve their goals, if they make more efforts to make successful career while, studying in prestigious school or university. For instance, in many school of America, students are being motivated by teacher as well as through parents to work hard. Another reason is that, students not only get better job but also secure life for long term. Thus, in turn these things will be very useful when they get retired, as they will have enough money to survive life.

On the contrary, there many detrimental effects on students health if they are being forced to work hard. Despite, they can focus on working smart which is good for their physical and mental health. A good example is that nowadays in Canada most of the university gives emphasis on pragmatic skills, instead working hard for examination through reading each and every paragraphs of books. Moreover, children will also lose their concentration in study as well lose marks in main exams.

To sum up, even though working hard is not good enough for children's overall health and development. Instead, they can work smart by focusing more on practical skills. So, these things will help them get good fortune jobs through which they can easily handle their retirement ages and make healthy lifestyle.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 5.5

The response addresses the prompt by discussing both advantages and disadvantages. However, the development of ideas is somewhat superficial. For instance, the argument regarding 'retirement' and 'money' as a result of working hard in school is a leap in logic that lacks clear connection to the prompt. The essay attempts to present a balanced view, but the arguments are often repetitive and lack specific, well-explained examples. The conclusion is slightly disconnected from the main body, as it introduces the concept of 'good fortune jobs' which was not previously established. To improve, ensure each point is logically linked to the core question of whether children should be told they can achieve anything through effort.

Coherence and Cohesion — Band 6.0

The essay is organized into paragraphs, which helps the reader follow the structure. However, the use of cohesive devices is often mechanical or inaccurate. For example, the use of 'Although' at the start of a sentence without a following clause, and 'Despite' used as a conjunction, disrupts the flow. The transition between ideas is sometimes abrupt, such as the shift from school motivation to retirement planning. While there is a logical progression, the lack of precise linking words and the occasional misuse of referencing make the flow feel disjointed at times. Improving the variety and accuracy of transition signals would significantly enhance the coherence.

Lexical Resource — Band 5.5

The vocabulary is generally adequate for the task but lacks the precision and range required for higher bands. There is some repetition of basic terms like 'work hard' and 'students'. Some word choices are unnatural or inaccurate, such as 'good fortune jobs' and 'make career'. While the meaning is generally clear, the lack of sophisticated vocabulary and occasional collocation errors (e.g., 'give emphasis on') limit the score. To reach a higher band, focus on using more academic collocations and synonyms to avoid repetitive phrasing and to express ideas with greater nuance.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.5

The essay contains a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are frequent grammatical errors that occasionally impede the reader. Common issues include subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'the education play'), missing articles (e.g., 'in many school of America'), and incorrect preposition usage. Punctuation is also inconsistent, particularly with comma placement. While the meaning is usually understandable, the frequency of these errors suggests a lack of control over complex structures. Focusing on basic grammatical accuracy, such as pluralization and verb forms, will help improve the clarity and professional tone of your writing.

See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.

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