Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 15 · 2026-08-25

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Student answer (Band 5.5)

In the modern world, a large number of people from diverse backgrounds suggest to their children that they can fulfil their dreams by working hard. I believe this is highly beneficial for adolescents, as it can motivate them to study hard to achieve their desired goals. However, it has some notable drawbacks; some minors can become fully engrossed in different activities.

On the positive side, hard work would encourage children to work hard to get whatever they want. It can motivate them to invest their precious time in studies to achieve good grades and achieve their goals. For example, much research on the subconscious mind indicates that if people want successful cognitive development of their child, they should offer positive incentives for development. This idea suggests that children can fulfil their dreams by giving more time and working hard.

Furthermore, minors who are more into games can take this motivation in a negative direction. Due to technological advancement more children are interested in game and always eager to rank high in video games. For instance, the most famous game PUBG, more than 70% of their users are children who always want to be on top list which affected their studies as well. Thus, elders needs to be more specific by their mean of suggestion related to hard work. So, children can put more their focus on studies rather than achieving other targets.

In conclusion, while their are numerous significant benefits of hard work, it has prominent disadvantages as well. Elders should foster their child development but they have to defining pros and cons of hard work, so kids can choose the right path.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 5.5

The response addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of the prompt. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited. While you mention that hard work motivates children, the explanation is repetitive, and the example regarding the subconscious mind is vague. Similarly, the disadvantage regarding video games is a bit narrow; it focuses heavily on a specific game (PUBG) rather than the broader psychological impact of the 'anything is possible' message. To reach a higher band, you should expand on the long-term implications of this mindset, such as the potential for disappointment or burnout, rather than focusing solely on gaming habits.

Coherence and Cohesion — Band 6.0

The essay is logically organized into clear paragraphs, each with a central theme. You use basic cohesive devices like 'On the positive side', 'Furthermore', and 'In conclusion' to guide the reader. However, the flow between sentences is sometimes mechanical. For example, the transition between the general idea of hard work and the specific example of PUBG feels abrupt. Additionally, there are minor issues with referencing, such as 'their mean of suggestion' in the third paragraph, which makes the sentence structure slightly confusing. Improving the variety of linking words would enhance the overall flow.

Lexical Resource — Band 5.5

You demonstrate an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, using terms like 'diverse backgrounds', 'cognitive development', and 'technological advancement'. However, there are instances of imprecise word choice and collocation errors, such as 'their mean of suggestion' instead of 'their method of communication' or 'the way they frame their advice'. Additionally, the phrase 'always eager to rank high' is slightly informal. To improve, focus on using more precise academic collocations and ensure that your vocabulary choices are consistently natural and accurate in context.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.5

The essay contains a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. While you attempt complex sentences, there are frequent grammatical errors, such as 'their are numerous' (should be 'there are'), 'elders needs' (subject-verb agreement), and 'put more their focus' (word order). Punctuation is generally functional, but there are some awkward phrasings that slightly impede readability. To achieve a higher score, you should aim for more error-free sentences and ensure that your complex structures are grammatically sound, particularly regarding subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles.

See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.

Browse more IELTS Writing model answers or get your own writing scored by the same AI examiner.