Band 5.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer
Overall Band Score: 5.0 · Cambridge IELTS 15 · 2026-09-02
IELTS Writing Task 2 question
In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?
Student answer (Band 5.0)
In many countries, children are often told by their elders that they can be success and achieve everything if they try hard work and struggle enough. This essay is talking about the merits and demerits of giving kids this though, and the advantages are they will become discipline and abilities to face problems, and the other side the disadvantages are they become self blame and impact on mental health.
The advantage of giving children this message is that they will build discipline in their life if they try hard enough. This is good and positive message to not only the children also for the all human being. If children try strong from small age then they will know the value of things and become aid person in the future. The much they work hard the much they achieve anything fairly. It helps to develop discipline on them and for upcoming days they will run their life in discipline. Discipline is one of the important ability in our daily life. For example, Ram who is a richest person from Nepal, he was very weak kid in his childhood but he try hand and hard in discipline, and now he is the richest person in Nepal. The disadvantage of this message is self blame. When they do hard enough, and if they don't achieve and fail again and again then they self blame. They imagine and think that they are so weak.
The another advantage is skills develop. They could develop their hidden skills and talent if they try hard. They will know the value of life. When they are suffering from problems then they can face with problems. The another disadvantage is impact on mental health. If they try hard, they cannot sleep properly and think about to achieving the things which they are running for to success.
In conclusion, there are some merits and demerits of giving children this message like they become discipline and self blame.
AI examiner evaluation
| Criterion | Band |
|---|---|
| Task Achievement / Task Response | 5.0 |
| Coherence and Cohesion | 5.0 |
| Lexical Resource | 5.0 |
| Grammatical Range and Accuracy | 5.0 |
| Overall | 5.0 |
Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 5.0
The essay addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of the prompt. However, the development of ideas is limited and often repetitive. For instance, the argument regarding 'discipline' is stated multiple times without significant expansion. The example of 'Ram' is somewhat anecdotal and lacks a clear connection to the broader societal implications of the message. While the position is clear, the supporting points lack depth and analytical rigor, often relying on simplistic explanations. To improve, you should aim to provide more nuanced reasoning and ensure that each paragraph introduces a distinct, well-developed point rather than restating the same concept.
Coherence and Cohesion — Band 5.0
The essay is organized into paragraphs, but the flow between ideas is often mechanical. You rely on basic cohesive devices like 'The advantage of' and 'The another advantage is', which makes the structure feel repetitive. The progression of ideas is sometimes disjointed, particularly in the second paragraph where the transition from the benefits of discipline to the disadvantage of self-blame is abrupt. Paragraphing is present, but the internal logic within paragraphs could be strengthened by using a wider variety of linking words and ensuring that each sentence logically follows the previous one.
Lexical Resource — Band 5.0
The vocabulary is limited and often imprecise. There are several instances of incorrect word forms, such as 'be success' instead of 'be successful', 'try hard work' instead of 'work hard', and 'aid person' which is unclear. You frequently repeat basic terms like 'hard', 'discipline', and 'message'. While the meaning is generally conveyed, the lack of variety and the frequent collocation errors prevent a higher score. To improve, focus on learning word families and common collocations, and try to incorporate more academic vocabulary related to child development and psychology.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.0
The essay contains frequent grammatical errors that occasionally impede the flow of reading. Common issues include subject-verb agreement ('they self blame'), incorrect sentence structure ('This essay is talking about'), and misuse of articles and prepositions. While you attempt some complex sentences, they are often faulty or contain errors that affect clarity. Simple sentences are generally accurate, but the lack of control over more complex structures limits the range. Focusing on basic sentence construction, specifically ensuring correct verb tenses and word order, will help improve your accuracy significantly.
See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.
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