Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer
Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 15 · 2026-09-06
IELTS Writing Task 2 question
In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?
Student answer (Band 5.5)
It is said that children can achieve anything they want from hard work, there are some pros and cons of this concept. This statement about doing hard work has many advantages including more success ratio, good company of hardworking students, and achievement of their goals. Contrary to this, there are many disadvantages of doing hard work and achieving success in any field including stress and isolation of children due to more pressure by their elders.
First of all, there are certain advantages of hard working message to students in their life. As children become more serious about particular thing and they achieve that goal by doing much work. Moreover, children who taught that hard work is necessary to get anything in their life, they do not waste their time and burn the midnight oil in order to achieve something. For instance, Elon Musk and other billionaire in this world put their enough effort in order to get their desire goals. Hence, these are the advantages of message of hard work to the children.
On the other side, it is said that the message of doing hard work put many negative effects on the children. As some people say that smart work is the key to get anything not it is hard work. For instance , many children remain under pressure due to this myth and they become the victim of anxiety and stress. While , isolation is another factor that some children get into it due to more pressure of hard work from their elders. For instance, in many countries many students go for suicide just because of this message.
In a nutshell, advantages prevail more than disadvantages because everything that you want to get, effort is needed in it. Without hard work message and this inspiration, children cannot get success.
AI examiner evaluation
| Criterion | Band |
|---|---|
| Task Achievement / Task Response | 5.5 |
| Coherence and Cohesion | 5.5 |
| Lexical Resource | 5.5 |
| Grammatical Range and Accuracy | 5.5 |
| Overall | 5.5 |
Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 5.5
The response addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of the prompt. However, the development of ideas is somewhat superficial. For instance, the argument regarding 'success ratio' is vague, and the mention of 'suicide' as a consequence of this message is a significant over-generalisation that lacks nuanced support. While the position is clear, the supporting arguments would benefit from more detailed explanation and logical progression. The conclusion is brief and does not fully synthesise the points raised in the body paragraphs. To improve, focus on expanding each point with clearer reasoning rather than listing multiple ideas in a single sentence.
Coherence and Cohesion — Band 5.5
The essay is organised into logical paragraphs, and there is a clear attempt to use cohesive devices such as 'First of all', 'Moreover', and 'On the other side'. However, the use of these devices is sometimes mechanical or slightly unnatural, such as the repetitive use of 'For instance' to start sentences. Additionally, some transitions between ideas are abrupt, and the referencing within sentences is occasionally unclear, such as in the phrase 'some children get into it'. Improving the variety of linking words and ensuring smoother transitions between sentences would enhance the overall flow and coherence of the essay.
Lexical Resource — Band 5.5
The vocabulary is generally adequate for the task, allowing the writer to convey their meaning. There are attempts to use some less common phrases like 'burn the midnight oil', which is a positive feature. However, there are several instances of awkward word choice and collocation errors, such as 'success ratio', 'doing hard work', and 'get into it'. The range of vocabulary is somewhat limited, and the repetition of basic terms like 'hard work' and 'message' suggests a need for a broader range of synonyms and more precise academic terminology to reach a higher band score.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.5
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. While the meaning is generally clear, there are frequent grammatical errors, particularly with articles ('the message of doing hard work'), pluralisation ('billionaire in this world'), and sentence fragments or awkward phrasing ('While , isolation is another factor'). Punctuation is also inconsistent, with unnecessary spaces before commas. While these errors do not typically impede communication, they occur frequently enough to prevent the essay from reaching a higher band. Focusing on subject-verb agreement and article usage would be beneficial.
See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.
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