Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 15 · 2026-09-07

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Student answer (Band 5.5)

In some cultures, younger adults are often told that they can get anything if they do struggle in life. In my opinion, this advice can has some advantages and disadvantages as well. This essay will illustrates the both aspects.

To begin with, by giving the message of hard work to younger generation, a significant number of benefits can be achieved. They will probably work harder to get their desired goals. Ultimately, it can make the younger ones more efficient either in study or in work. For example, if a person wants to get admission at harvard university. And he had a training in school that he can achieve everything through the hard work. He will try to cross the major hurdles by working day and night. I believe that this mindset will certainly help him to get into the harvard. Consequently, trying hard will support the individuals in achieving the impossible things by dominating the weak areas by doing struggle.

On the other hand, there are also many disadvantages of trying hard such as working under pressure will increase the heavy workload on the students. At such younger age the work burden can cause major health problems in them. Such as they can be physically weak due to lack of a significant amount of sports outside. As sports play a vital role in the development, this practice can lead to underdevelopment in students at such a younger age. Moreover, it can also cause some mental health problems such as stress and anxiety. A huge amount of stress can lead to childhood depression in students. For instance, many young learners in my country Pakistan who are under family pressure. They accept challenges and then work hard in order to achieve the goals. They experience many health hazards. As a result, an unhealthy pressure of work can cause major health problems either mentally or physically.

In conclusion, although, there are variety of benefits of the hard work, there are also many drawbacks specifically in healthy mind and body. Teachers ought to avoid paying too much attention on giving advice of hard work.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 5.5

The response addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of the prompt. The position is clear throughout, and the ideas are generally relevant. However, the development of ideas is somewhat repetitive, particularly in the second body paragraph where the focus on health problems is reiterated multiple times without adding new depth. While the prompt is addressed, the supporting examples, such as the mention of Harvard, are a bit simplistic. To reach a higher band, you should aim to explore the psychological or long-term societal implications of this mindset in more detail rather than focusing solely on physical health or academic success.

Coherence and Cohesion — Band 5.5

The essay is organised into logical paragraphs, and there is a clear progression of ideas from the introduction to the conclusion. You use some cohesive devices such as 'To begin with', 'On the other hand', and 'Consequently'. However, the use of these devices is sometimes mechanical or slightly inaccurate, such as starting sentences with 'And' or 'Such as'. Additionally, the referencing is occasionally unclear, and the flow between sentences could be smoother. Improving the variety of linking words and ensuring that each sentence connects naturally to the previous one would enhance the overall coherence.

Lexical Resource — Band 5.5

The vocabulary is generally adequate for the task, allowing you to convey your meaning clearly. You attempt to use some topic-specific vocabulary like 'underdevelopment', 'mental health', and 'hurdles'. However, there are instances of awkward word choices and collocations, such as 'do struggle in life' instead of 'struggle' or 'work hard', and 'get admission at' instead of 'gain admission to'. The range of vocabulary is somewhat limited, and there is a tendency to repeat basic words like 'hard work' and 'problems'. Expanding your range to include more precise synonyms would improve your score.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.5

You demonstrate a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are frequent grammatical errors throughout the text. Examples include 'this advice can has some advantages' (subject-verb agreement), 'this essay will illustrates' (verb form), and 'at such younger age' (missing article). There are also issues with sentence fragments, such as 'Such as they can be physically weak...' which should be part of the previous sentence. While these errors do not completely impede communication, they are frequent enough to be noticeable. Focusing on subject-verb agreement and correct article usage will help you achieve a higher score.

See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.

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