Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 15 · 2026-09-09

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Student answer (Band 5.5)

In numerous societies, pupils are regular told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. The narrative ahead shall articulate both benefits as well as drawbacks before arriving at a rational conclusion

On the one hand, the benefits like, teenagers can be motivated with this lines and push their all efforts into their goals. This is because, their parents not only encourage by telling them but they also support their children in studies, sports and other sectors where they are excellent. As a result, kids can not feel demotivated or depressed by their academic career. To cite an example, many parents of athlete can encourage them during match by saying a few motivated lines and cheers loudly after their win.

On the other hand, the drawbacks like, those children become introvert from their family, friends and surroundings. To elaborate more, if they fail in something that they tried hard but do not achieve, so they tackle depression and lose their mind control. Hence, students getting into depression after fail in something, and they do not like to talk with others and become introvert. For instance, many of hostel students can not tolerate burden and get into depression or in some case they committed suicide without any solution

To sum up, the merit is pupils can feel positive with encouragement and it can be easy to achieve their goals, while the demerit is they become introvert and do not like to talk with others after a little failure in their progress

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 5.5

The response addresses both the advantages and disadvantages as requested. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited and repetitive. For example, the argument regarding 'depression' is mentioned multiple times in the second paragraph without providing a nuanced exploration of why this specific message leads to such extreme outcomes. The ideas are relevant but lack depth, and the conclusion is quite brief, merely restating the prompt rather than synthesizing the arguments. To reach a higher band, you should aim to provide more detailed explanations and concrete examples that clearly link the 'message' to the psychological outcomes described.

Coherence and Cohesion — Band 6.0

The essay is organized into clear paragraphs, which helps the reader follow the structure. You use basic cohesive devices like 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand' to signal shifts in the argument. However, the internal cohesion within paragraphs is sometimes mechanical or repetitive, such as the frequent use of 'depression' and 'introvert'. Some transitions are awkward, for instance, 'The narrative ahead shall articulate...' is a bit unnatural for an IELTS essay. Improving the flow between sentences by using a wider variety of linking words and better referencing would improve the overall coherence.

Lexical Resource — Band 5.5

The vocabulary is generally adequate for the task but lacks precision and variety. You rely on simple terms like 'good', 'bad', or 'motivated', and there are some errors in word choice and collocation, such as 'lose their mind control' and 'many of hostel students'. The term 'introvert' is used incorrectly in the context of social withdrawal; 'withdrawn' or 'isolated' would be more accurate. To improve, focus on learning collocations and using more sophisticated vocabulary to express complex ideas, rather than relying on repetitive, basic phrasing.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.5

The essay contains a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are frequent grammatical errors that occasionally impede clarity. Examples include 'pupils are regular told' (should be 'regularly'), 'this lines' (should be 'these lines'), and 'many parents of athlete' (should be 'athletes'). Subject-verb agreement and pluralization issues are common throughout the text. While the meaning is generally understandable, the frequency of these errors prevents the essay from reaching a higher band. You should focus on proofreading for basic grammatical accuracy, particularly with articles, plurals, and verb forms.

See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.

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