Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer
Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 15 · 2026-09-09
IELTS Writing Task 2 question
In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?
Student answer (Band 5.5)
The rapid proliferation of convenient surroundings for education and fair opportunity for success has fundamentally altered adults to educate youngsters to be more diligent. While some individuals often argued that some continuous catchphrase from adults might negatively affect to youngsters. This essay will discuss both views.
On the one hand, with the widespread availability of educational opportunities, it will stimulate adolescents motivation to foster their resilience in spite of many predicaments in their lives. This is primarily because the young generation have certain duration to form unique characteristics of themselves. Thereby, this crucial period requires wise advices from educators or extensive experience to overcome challenges with compassion, resilience, and passion. Consequently, provide advises regarding in children achievement and support will substantially develop adolescents.
On the other hand, there are far more compelling arguments supporting disadvantages of giving children unconditional positive messages. The main rationale is that adolescents might blame themselves when things going unwell regardless of their numerous efforts. For example, the South korea resulted most highest number of children suicide rate due to high pressure of education and competitive society atmosphere. This study demonstrates that unconditionally positive comments inevitably lead to reduce self-esteem and unsatisfactory. Therefore, this clearly outweighs aforementioned drawbacks.
In conclusion, l firmly believe that every individual has to be comprehend their own talents and unique characteristics in face of society expectations. There is more compelling a evidence that giving young generation with unconditional messages might struck in one side of perspectives and struggle with society competition, as for, it is both vital for people to balance their personal aimed success and mental well-being.
AI examiner evaluation
| Criterion | Band |
|---|---|
| Task Achievement / Task Response | 5.5 |
| Coherence and Cohesion | 5.5 |
| Lexical Resource | 5.5 |
| Grammatical Range and Accuracy | 5.5 |
| Overall | 5.5 |
Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 5.5
The essay addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of the prompt. However, the development of ideas is somewhat uneven. The first body paragraph is vague, using general terms like 'wise advices' and 'extensive experience' without clearly explaining how the message of 'achieving anything' specifically fosters resilience. The second paragraph provides a more concrete example regarding South Korea, which strengthens the argument. The position is clear, but the introduction is slightly confusing due to awkward phrasing ('altered adults to educate youngsters'). To reach a higher band, ensure that each advantage and disadvantage is supported by clear, logical explanations rather than abstract statements.
Coherence and Cohesion — Band 5.5
The essay is organized into logical paragraphs, and there is a clear attempt to use cohesive devices such as 'On the one hand,' 'On the other hand,' and 'Consequently.' However, the flow is occasionally disrupted by awkward sentence structures and grammatical errors that make the progression of ideas feel mechanical. Referencing is sometimes unclear, such as in the conclusion where the sentence structure becomes convoluted, making it difficult to follow the final argument. Improving the use of linking words and ensuring that each sentence logically follows the previous one would enhance the overall coherence.
Lexical Resource — Band 5.5
The vocabulary is generally adequate for the task, but there are frequent errors in word choice and collocation that occasionally impede clarity. For example, 'continuous catchphrase' is not the most natural way to describe the message, and 'unconditionally positive comments' is used where 'unconditional encouragement' would be more precise. There are also issues with word forms, such as 'unsatisfactory' used as a noun instead of 'dissatisfaction.' While the student attempts to use some academic vocabulary, the lack of precision and occasional misuse of terms limits the score in this criterion.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.5
The essay contains a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are frequent grammatical errors throughout. Issues include subject-verb agreement ('adolescents motivation'), incorrect preposition usage ('affect to youngsters'), and awkward phrasing ('might struck in one side'). Punctuation is generally functional, but the sentence construction is often clunky, which affects the readability of the text. While the meaning is usually clear, the frequency of errors in basic grammar and sentence structure prevents the essay from reaching a higher band. Focusing on sentence construction and proofreading for basic errors would be highly beneficial.
See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.
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