Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 15 · 2026-09-14

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Student answer (Band 4.5)

Many parents encourage their children to believe that they can achieve anything in life as long as they work hard enough. While this message can motivate children to became determined and persistent, it may also create unrealistic expectations and disappoinment when certain goals are beyond their control. This essay will discuss both advantage and disadvantages of giving children such message.

To conclude, doing hard work and giving children a free will to do anything is good start for them in early age but as far the parent know what things there children are involving themselves.

Juviniles pays more interest when they are freely motivate towards such things which they like. Not only just telling them to work on such things but also guiding them to pay full attention on the work they are doing.For examples, some children are not good in sports meanline demotivate them to skip these and coach them to work hard enough untill they achieve there goals is a really an excellent strategy.

On other hand, they are some points where this message is not as good in some cultures.Moreover, childre are doing anything without telling anyone can also leads towards mental illness if they do not achieve there goals for which are working hard. Apart from this, not getting good outcomes in the the things they are doing also motivates them to find easy loopholes from which they can do anything to attain their desire golas. For instance, involving in the criminal activities for there goals.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 5.0

The response attempts to address the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of telling children they can achieve anything. However, the development of ideas is limited and at times unclear due to severe organisational issues. The introduction correctly sets up a discussion of advantages and disadvantages, but the placement of the conclusion at the very beginning of the body disrupts the logical flow. Furthermore, some arguments, such as children finding easy loopholes or getting involved in criminal activities, are introduced without adequate support or logical connection to the core premise. The ideas remain under-developed and superficial, which aligns closely with the Band 5 descriptors where the task is addressed only partially and ideas are limited.

Coherence and Cohesion — Band 4.0

The structural organisation of this essay is severely compromised. The writer places the concluding paragraph right after the introduction before any body paragraphs are presented, which completely breaks the logical progression of an academic essay. Paragraphing is used inappropriately, and the internal cohesion within paragraphs is frequently faulty and mechanical. Referencing pronouns are often unclear, such as 'they are some points' or 'for there goals', making it difficult for the reader to follow the train of thought. Connective devices are either missing or misused, resulting in disjointed sentences and ideas that lack a clear overall progression. This performance fits the Band 4 descriptor where information and ideas are not arranged coherently.

Lexical Resource — Band 5.0

The lexical resource displayed is basic and repetitive, with noticeable errors that occasionally impede communication. The writer attempts some less common vocabulary, such as 'determined and persistent', 'unrealistic expectations', and 'mental illness', but these are overshadowed by frequent word-choice errors, misspellings, and grammatical slips (e.g., 'disappoinment', 'demotivate them to skip these', 'desire golas'). Collocations are often unnatural, such as 'doing hard work' instead of 'working hard' and 'freely motivate' instead of 'motivated freely'. Vocabulary is minimally adequate to convey a basic message, but the recurrent inaccuracies and limited range place this firmly at Band 5.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 4.0

The grammatical range is quite limited, consisting primarily of simple and faulty complex sentences. There are frequent errors in grammar, punctuation, and article usage throughout the text. Examples of recurrent errors include subject-verb agreement issues ('childre are doing', 'things there children are involving'), incorrect prepositions ('involving in the criminal activities'), and non-standard verb forms ('Juviniles pays more interest'). Attempts at complex structures almost invariably result in significant errors that cause difficulty for the reader and sometimes obscure the intended meaning. Control over basic sentence architecture is weak, corresponding directly to the Band 4 descriptor.

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