Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 15 · 2026-09-29

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Student answer (Band 4.5)

Childrens are like mind set of water, wherever you put them in they will make a shape of that object. Even though telling childrens about working hard and they can get everything this is a righway to teach them that hardwork can make everything possible to achieve, this not only will develop their brain to set goals but also give the skills to have goal list to, make roadmap to you dream of whatever they want to achieve.

Every coin has two side one good and one bad, if you keep telling kids to work hard and you achieve anything, this can impact in negative way when the child fail first time in his life he will start to questioning his or her self regarding the efforts and hard working he putted in but he still didnt get it, this will be reality check for the children,

In order to deliver the good message we have to teach kids to do hardwork but be ready to accept defeat, defeat is a part of learning, its mean u can come back strong you already aware of the game rules, and this time u can get it, the most import is to have faith, not only the work you have done but on God that he will give you return of your hardwork, no hardwork go veins, life will probably give you substiute of your hardwork.

This message which i have mentioned above will give warrior mind set to childrens to face challenge but come back stronger.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 5.0

The response addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of telling children they can achieve anything. The student identifies positive outcomes, such as developing goal-setting skills, and negative consequences, like the psychological impact of experiencing early failure. However, the ideas are under-developed and lack extension. The progression of thought is somewhat disjointed, and the arguments are presented in a simplistic manner. For instance, the discussion on failure and coping mechanisms is introduced but lacks depth and specific supporting examples. The position is generally clear, but the overall development corresponds to a Band 5 level where ideas remain limited and partially addressed.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.0

The text suffers from significant cohesion and referencing issues, alongside poor paragraphing. The entire response is structured with minimal logical progression, running together multiple distinct thoughts without proper transitions. While the writer attempts to use cohesive phrases such as 'Every coin has two side' and 'In order to deliver', these devices are often inaccurate or mechanically applied. Referencing is frequently unclear, notably in sentences like 'wherever you put them in they will make a shape of that object' and 'substiute of your hardwork'. Paragraphing is inappropriate, as the essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion, making it difficult for the reader to follow the flow of argument. This places the response firmly at Band 4.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.0

The vocabulary used is basic and repetitive, with noticeable errors that occasionally impede understanding. The writer attempts some less common vocabulary, such as 'roadmap', 'reality check', and 'warrior mind set', but these are often accompanied by word-choice and collocation errors, such as 'putted in' and 'no hardwork go veins'. Spelling mistakes like 'righway' and grammatical word-form errors like 'childrens' also detract from the quality of the writing. The range of vocabulary is limited and minimally adequate for the task, meeting the criteria for Band 5.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.0

The response demonstrates a very limited range of grammatical structures, relying heavily on run-on sentences and comma splices, such as 'if you keep kids to work hard and you achieve anything, this can impact in negative way when the child fail first time...'. Simple sentences are attempted, but complex structures are frequently faulty. There are persistent errors in tense consistency ('putted', 'didnt'), subject-verb agreement ('Childrens are', 'no hardwork go'), and preposition use. These frequent errors cause considerable difficulty for the reader and prevent the text from reaching a higher band, aligning it with Band 4.

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