Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 15 · 2026-10-02

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Student answer (Band 5.5)

A vast majority of cultures promote the idea of achieving any goal with great struggle and efforts among the children, it is right thing to do, but I believe such approach should not be developed in children who are not at their right age to learn this from now.

Firstly, the major advantages includes shaping the personality of children at a very young age, conveying them what is necessory to do and what to avaoid in order to achieve their goals. A notable example indicates, when parents will not allow their children to always watch cartoon, and play games, rather insist them to learn new things, take part in children competitions, they will progressively learn competition and hard word is the ultimate key to succeed.

Secondly, when we look at the disadvantages, they are more concering than the benefits. When the parents will impose strictness in their tone and pressure of competing with others, their children will eventually be programmed individuals rather than having an independent thoughts and goals, which they will discover with time and will do right efforst for that.

When I look criticially and deeply, I came to my my observation that, Although it is necessory, that parents should be at strict supervision of their children, so they could support them in their goals, and teach them the value of succes, and things required for that, but, They should also consider there is a right age for every thing, if they will put pressure on their children, they will never discover for their own goals in which they find the interest,

In conclusion, there are advantages as well as disadvantages of raising the children in a culture where they are always told to put their efforts at their best to get their desired goals. Parents and teachers should have lenient attitude and approach towards the children, and when they grow, find their interestes, what they want to become, then these efforts should be made to successfully establish a stable culture.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 6.0

The response addresses all parts of the task by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of telling children they can achieve anything with hard work. However, the development of ideas is uneven. While the advantages are introduced with some explanation regarding personality shaping and motivation, the disadvantages are somewhat repetitive and under-developed, focusing heavily on parental strictness and loss of independent thought without deep exploration. The writer's position is generally clear throughout the essay, though the conclusion introduces a slightly different perspective about teachers and establishing a stable culture rather than directly summarizing the core arguments. To move to a higher band, the response would need to extend both sides of the argument with more fully elaborated supporting examples rather than relying on generalized statements.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 6.0

The essay presents a coherent overall arrangement with a clear attempt to structure the response into introduction, body paragraphs addressing advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion. Paragraphing is used to separate main ideas logically. However, cohesion at the sentence level is sometimes faulty or mechanical. For instance, transitional phrases like 'When I look criticially and deeply, I came to my my observation that' feel awkward and disrupt the smooth flow of the argument. Additionally, referencing is occasionally unclear, such as pronoun usage that makes it difficult to trace whether the writer is referring to the parents or the children. To achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, the writer should employ a wider and more natural range of cohesive devices and ensure that logical relationships between sentences are tightly maintained.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.5

The writer demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, attempting less common items such as 'personality shaping', 'programmed individuals', and 'independent thoughts'. However, there are noticeable spelling and word-choice errors that occasionally impede communication, including 'necessory', 'avaoid', 'competition' instead of 'competitions', 'concering', 'efforst', and 'criticially'. Collocations are sometimes awkward, such as 'take part in children competitions' instead of 'children's competitions' or 'youth competitions'. To reach the next band, the vocabulary range needs to be used with greater precision and fewer mechanical errors in spelling and word formation, ensuring that less common lexical items are handled more accurately.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0

The essay displays a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, demonstrating an attempt to construct multi-clause sentences. However, there are frequent grammatical errors in verb forms, tenses, articles, and prepositions inside grammatical patterns. Examples include 'it is right thing to do' (missing article), 'such approach should not be developed in children who are not at their right age' (awkward prepositional usage), and run-on structures in the conclusion such as 'parents should have lenient attitude... and when they grow, find their interestes, what they want to become, then these efforts should be made'. These errors require some effort from the reader to untangle the meaning. A greater variety of error-free complex structures and tighter control over basic grammatical boundaries are required to progress to a higher band.

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