Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 15 · 2026-10-02

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Student answer (Band 4.5)

The increasing prevalence of a number in some cultures, children are often said that they can attain anything if they work hard and keep practicing. This has led to considerable debate about its effects. Although children should try hard to achieve anything which is meaningful and helpful for them in present and future, It also has certain disadvantages. In contemporary society, achieving anything by stay consistence and keep trying is a part of heated debate. This essay will examine both sides and I believe that the advantages are more significant overall.

In conclusion, stay active and confident about future goal provides benefits such as children never give up and always motivate towards their aim. But it also creates some problems, particularly some individuals cannot pay attention to their health and mental condition. Therefore, they become annoying and frustrating by ethical concern. Overall, I believe that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages because trying to achieve something makes the children punctual and well-maintain in their life.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.0

First, it is important to note that the response contains only 164 words, falling significantly short of the 250-word minimum required for Academic Task 2. This severely limits your ability to fully address the prompt. You attempt to discuss both the advantages and disadvantages of telling children they can achieve anything, providing basic ideas such as motivation versus potential mental health issues. However, your position is repetitive and minimally developed. For instance, in the conclusion, you repeat points without adding new extension. To improve, you must write the full required word count and expand each main idea with clear explanations and specific supporting examples.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.0

Your writing shows some basic structural organisation with an introduction and a concluding paragraph that summarises your view. However, there is a lack of clear overall progression, and the information is not arranged in a fully coherent manner. For example, the premature placement of a summary-style paragraph in the middle ('In conclusion, stay active...') disrupts the logical flow of the essay. Furthermore, cohesive devices are weak, repetitive, or inaccurate, such as using 'Therefore, they become annoying and frustrating by ethical concern', which lacks clear logical connection to the preceding clause. To reach a higher level, ensure your paragraphs follow a logical sequence (introduction, body paragraphs, conclusion) and use cohesive markers naturally.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.0

Your vocabulary is limited and minimally adequate for the task, containing noticeable errors that occasionally cause difficulty for the reader. You make frequent word-form and collocation errors, such as using 'stay consistence' instead of 'staying consistent', 'well-maintain' instead of 'well-maintained', and 'ethical concern' where it does not fit the context. While you make some attempts at less common vocabulary, such as 'prevalence', 'contemporary society', and 'frustrating', these are often used inaccurately. To improve your lexical score, focus on learning the correct grammatical forms of words (nouns, verbs, adjectives) and check your collocations carefully.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0

You demonstrate a limited range of sentence structures, relying heavily on simple or awkwardly constructed complex forms that frequently contain errors. There are noticeable mistakes in verb forms, tense consistency, and prepositions within grammatical patterns, such as 'children are often said that they can attain' (passive voice misuse) and 'by stay consistence and keep trying' (gerund usage errors). Punctuation and subject-verb agreement also show frequent inaccuracies, such as 'stay active and confident... provides benefits'. To advance to the next level, you need to practice forming accurate complex sentences and eliminate frequent grammatical errors that strain the reader's understanding.

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