Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 15 · 2026-10-05

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Student answer (Band 4.5)

In some traditions, children are informed that can attain anything if try hed enough. In this essay I will discuss what advantages and disadvantages and how will achived these things with any effort and without any effort. I think this statement depend on luck or hard work.

To begin, children thought that if they focused on their work then the result postive. While work hard like exams, finding jobs, busineses and work on any field. This is the reason children focusing on their hardwork. Furthermore, children when they grew up every year they changed their mindset and they only focus what is better for their. For example, iif a student cannot work hard they only believe luck then the result negative. However, most of children like to perefer work lonely because they not interest people.

Secondly, some disadvantages behind this statement because most students like work on their studies they spend a lot of time on their studies. Then the result is they did not involve outdoor activities and slowly slowly invlove different types of diseases. For example, eyes issue, metal problem, feel lonely and other types of diseases. However, most students cannot work hard only believe on ourselves but spend less time on studies then the result is positive and they achieve high marks. Lastly, they spend a time on playgrounds and invlove different types of activities,.

In my oipinion, children focused on hard work but they also spend a time on other activities. After this statemnet I totally agree the result is positive.

To sum, this essay gives both advantage and disadvantage and provide both types of children view. Adding one point, students work hard this is necessary but alos need good luck.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.5

The response addresses the prompt minimally, attempting to discuss both the advantages and disadvantages of telling children they can achieve anything with hard work. However, the ideas remain limited and under-developed throughout the essay. For example, while the writer mentions that focusing intensely on studies can lead to physical or mental health issues, this point is not adequately explained or supported with sufficient elaboration. Similarly, the discussion on the role of luck versus effort is introduced but remains confused and unclear. The position of the writer is somewhat visible by the end, but the overall development of arguments lacks the clarity and depth required for a higher band level.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.5

The essay displays some basic organization, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, yet there is a lack of clear overall progression. Paragraphing is attempted, but the internal structure of paragraphs is disjointed, jumping abruptly between ideas without smooth transitions. Cohesive devices are used rather repetitively and mechanically, such as the frequent reliance on transitional markers like 'To begin', 'Secondly', and 'Lastly'. Furthermore, referencing and pronoun use are occasionally unclear, making it difficult for the reader to follow the logical flow of arguments from one sentence to the next.

Lexical Resource: Band 4.5

The vocabulary used is basic and repetitive, reflecting a limited range that is only minimally adequate for the task. There are noticeable errors in word choice, word form, and spelling throughout the text, such as 'hed' for had, 'achived' for achieve, 'postive' for positive, 'perefer' for prefer, and 'metal' for mental. While these vocabulary and spelling errors do not completely prevent the reader from grasping the general meaning, they occur frequently and strain comprehension at times, showing a need for greater precision and a wider variety of lexical items.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5

The response features a very limited range of grammatical structures, relying heavily on simple sentences alongside attempted complex forms that are frequently faulty. There are persistent errors in verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, missing articles, and prepositions, such as 'children are informed that can attain anything if try hed enough' and 'most students like work on their studies'. Punctuation is also weak, with run-on constructions and comma splices appearing regularly. These frequent errors cause considerable difficulty for the reader and reflect a restricted command of grammatical control.

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