Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer
Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 15 · 2026-10-06
IELTS Writing Task 2 question
In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?
Student answer (Band 4.5)
nowdays In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enoughbut in my point of viwe only try hard is not enough for childern becuse thats era for chilld is grow era so i think children give knkowlage about how work hard but esey way and use of mind so i disced some point of viwe.
to brghin with me. children age greo age so high parser of hard work is not for chilld so perants tech thare chilld how to work hard but esay way like student are writi thare school homework so this work is very hard for chilldrn so pernts are tech thare chilld how to work hard and use how mind like pernts are tech them how to short answer and than wrtie homework. moreover parntes drem are thare chiild in adulit age work big software companye so pernts give him computer and thay are eslye work in computer but he lern how to work hard in computer in esay way.
in the other hand. pertnts are thiking work hard in chillde age so in adulde age they are working in banificale and get good pakage in medime age so i think pernts should be fredom for thare chillde how to work hard in home like how to write school home work in short words moreover pertns are give motivation how to work hard in esy way like pernts are give motivation about how leran new skills for hardwork life becuse chilld work hard in chilld age so chillde eslye work thare job esay way and he get bettr job comare to onther child.
in concolusan perants should be give motivatin about how to work hard in esay way so chilldren esliy doing any hard work in esay way moreover pernts send thare chillde in leran skills about thare futer life like car driving and computer lerning extra extra.
AI examiner evaluation
| Criterion | Band |
|---|---|
| Task Achievement / Task Response | 4.5 |
| Coherence and Cohesion | 5.0 |
| Lexical Resource | 4.0 |
| Grammatical Range and Accuracy | 4.5 |
| Overall | 4.5 |
Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.5
The response makes an attempt to address the prompt regarding the advantages and disadvantages of telling children they can achieve anything. However, the position is not always clear, and the ideas are limited and under-developed. The writer touches upon the notion that hard work alone is insufficient and that children need guidance on how to work smarter rather than harder, mentioning examples like doing school homework and learning computer skills. Despite these relevant thoughts, the discussion remains fragmented and fails to fully explore the broader implications of this parental message. The writing touches upon aspects of the topic only minimally and tangentially, as the arguments lack sufficient elaboration and clear structuring to fully meet a higher standard. (Note: 16 words copied directly from the prompt were excluded from the official word count).
Coherence and Cohesion: Band 5.0
The text displays some organisation, featuring basic paragraphing with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, there is a distinct lack of clear overall progression throughout the essay. Cohesive devices are used repeatedly and somewhat mechanically, such as the overuse of 'moreover' and 'so', which fail to establish natural logical relationships between ideas. Referencing and transitional phrases are frequently unclear or awkward, as seen in expressions like 'to brghin with me' and 'in the other hand'. While the paragraphs attempt to group related concepts—such as teaching children easier ways to study—the internal flow is disjointed, preventing the information from being arranged in a truly coherent and easy-to-follow manner.
Lexical Resource: Band 4.0
The vocabulary used throughout the essay is very basic and repetitive, heavily relying on words like 'chilld', 'perants', 'work', and 'esay'. There are severe and pervasive spelling errors across the text, including 'nowdays', 'viwe', 'becuse', 'knkowlage', 'disced', 'brghin', 'greo', 'parser', 'tech', 'writi', 'drem', 'adulit', 'software companye', 'eslye', 'banificale', 'pakage', 'medime', 'fredom', 'leran', 'comare', 'onther', 'concolusan', and 'futer'. These numerous lexical inaccuracies and spelling errors significantly strain the reader and obscure the intended meaning, reflecting a very restricted command of vocabulary and word formation.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5
The response features a very limited range of sentence structures, relying almost exclusively on poorly controlled simple or run-on sentences joined by conjunctions like 'so' and 'and'. There is a complete lack of accurate complex structures. Frequent grammatical errors are present in almost every sentence, including severe problems with subject-verb agreement ('chilld is grow era', 'perants tech thare chilld'), missing articles ('in adulde age', 'get good pakage'), incorrect prepositions, and improper verb forms ('children give knkowlage', 'thay are eslye work'). Punctuation is largely neglected, with run-on sentences lacking proper terminal stops. These frequent errors severely impair readability and distort the meaning in places.
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