Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 15 · 2026-10-07

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Student answer (Band 5.5)

In this rapidly evolving world, making children efficient in almost all works has become the first priority. The children are often guided that everything can be achieved if the work is done with hard effort. This essay will elucidate the merits and demerits of this message.

On the one hand, one of the most beneficial aspects of this message is to motivate the children. This is because if the children are told to work hard, they try their best to achieve the goal, resulting in better possibilities. In China, for instance, the children are becoming effortlessly advanced in every field as they are motivated by both their school authorities and their parents. As a result, the given motivation makes them achieve their goals in their further life. It is highly important as motivation can give the power of dealing with difficult situations.

On the other hand, in reality, too much motivation can be detrimental for the children. In other words, the more they get instructions, the more they become stubborn. In India (in most of the rural places), to examplify, most of the parents try to convince their children to do the task like other brillient children, and this comparison puts them into pressure.Therefore, they become frustrated in their lives and take inaccurate decisions in their lives.

However, this practice has its advantages as well as disadvantages which makes it problematic. Why it is problematic ? The answer is it creates a concern of balanced way of giving motivation. If the children are forced to achieve their goals, this will make them bewildered in their practical lives.

In conclusion, although telling children to put hard effort in all works can give them fruitful results, it can make them confused in their lives as it comes with mental pressure, which can be detrimental for their overall performance. Thus, there should be a balanced approach to guide the children. If this pattern of motivation becomes improved, there could be possibility to make children effortlessly advanced in all the works.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 5.5

The response addresses both advantages and disadvantages and gives a relevant overall view: encouragement can help children pursue goals, while excessive pressure may cause frustration. The examples about parental comparison and motivation help illustrate these points. However, the discussion is only partly developed. The benefit is mainly described as motivation leading to success, without explaining the limits of the claim that effort can achieve anything; the disadvantage focuses on pressure but does not clearly distinguish this from the message itself. The position also becomes less clear in the paragraph beginning “However,” which repeats that the practice has both sides rather than advancing the argument. Develop each side with a specific explanation of how the message affects children and clarify when encouragement becomes unrealistic pressure.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 5.5

The essay has a recognisable structure, with an introduction, separate paragraphs for advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion. Linking phrases such as “On the one hand,” “On the other hand,” and “In conclusion” make the main direction easy to follow. However, progression is uneven: the paragraph beginning “However” largely repeats the two-sided position instead of adding a distinct point, and the question “Why it is problematic?” interrupts the formal flow. Some connections are also unclear, such as the move from children becoming “stubborn” to the example of parental comparison. Use each body paragraph to develop one clear point, connect examples explicitly to that point, and avoid repeating the same summary before the conclusion.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.5

The response uses a range of topic-related vocabulary, including “detrimental,” “motivation,” “frustrated,” and “mental pressure,” and the meaning is generally understandable. It also attempts more formal expressions, but several choices are inaccurate or unnatural, which limits precision: “making children efficient in almost all works,” “work is done with hard effort,” and “effortlessly advanced” do not express the intended ideas naturally. There are also spelling errors such as “examplify” and “brillient.” Aim for accurate collocations and simpler wording where a more elaborate phrase feels uncertain. For example, describe children as being encouraged to “work hard towards their goals,” and use “make progress” rather than “become effortlessly advanced.”

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.5

The essay attempts both simple and complex sentence forms, including conditional structures such as “if the children are told to work hard” and a relative clause in “motivation can give the power of dealing with difficult situations.” Meaning is usually recoverable, but errors recur in sentence construction, agreement, articles, and punctuation. For instance, “which makes it problematic” does not agree with the plural subject “advantages as well as disadvantages”; “Why it is problematic?” uses question word order incorrectly; and “there could be possibility” is missing an article. The sentence “Therefore, they become frustrated in their lives and take inaccurate decisions in their lives” also repeats the same phrase and has an awkward grammatical pattern. Practise checking subject–verb agreement, article use, and question formation, then proofread punctuation and spacing.

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