Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 15 · 2026-10-08

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Student answer (Band 6.0)

Children are taught about the importance of hard work in many cultures within different parts of the world. They are told that they can achieve anything if they work or try hard enough in the right direction. This message instills the value of hard work within children, making it one of the primary advantages when they grow up. While working hard is an absolute necessity to achieve respective goals, this message often takes the role of luck and good health for granted.

Hard work is vey important in pursuing respective goals not only for children but for adults as well. Children are taught about this message so that they can learn about the value of hard work from their early age. By learning this, they can look to focus more on studying or training, etc that is needed to put them in better place to achieve their respective aims. They see their parents working hard and that also makes them realize the value of hard work which is very beneficial for them when they grow up. It is very rare that you get successful without working hard. The reasons for that can be extreme good luck or the factor of nepotism, but that shouldn't lower the value of hard work.

Some people believe that while hard work is absolute necessary, luck is the more prominent factor in being successful. The famous Indian actor, Akshay Kumar for example has often stated that success is due to 60 % of luck and 40 % of hardwork. While he doesn't undermine the importance of hard work as he remains one of the most hardworking actors, his personal experiences have taught him about the luck factor. In many cases, children are taught about working hard but they are not taught about maintaining good physical and mental health. While working hard is very important, good health is more important for any person. A person should work or try hard within his capacity and make sure that it doesn't affect his health or loved ones.

While children should be taught about this message of working hard as it is beneficial for thier own success, they should also be taught about good health. While luck is not always guaranteed, children can look to work hard while staying fit.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 6.0

You address both the advantages and disadvantages and maintain a clear overall view: hard work is valuable, but children should also understand health and the role of luck. The discussion of focus on study or training gives a relevant benefit, while the point about working within one’s capacity explains a potential drawback. However, some ideas are more fully developed than others. The Akshay Kumar example illustrates luck, but its connection to the broader message children receive could be explained more directly; the health concern also needs a clearer link to the claim that effort alone guarantees success. Develop each point with a specific explanation of its effect on children.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 6.0

The response has a coherent overall structure: the introduction presents the issue, the body paragraphs discuss benefits and limitations, and the conclusion restates the main position. Ideas generally progress in a sensible order, and linking expressions such as “While” and “for example” help signal relationships. At times, however, connections are repetitive or not fully clear. The second paragraph moves from children’s focus to parental example and then to luck without a strong transition, while the third shifts from luck to health. Repeated openings with “While” also make cohesion somewhat mechanical. Use clearer topic sentences and explicit links showing how each example supports the paragraph’s main point.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.5

You use a relevant range of vocabulary, including “instills the value,” “nepotism,” “prominent factor,” and “mental health,” which allows you to discuss the topic clearly. Some less common expressions are attempted, but word choice and collocation are not always natural: “respective goals” is repeated, “put them in better place” is imprecise, and “extreme good luck” is awkward. There are also spelling and form slips, including “vey,” “thier,” and “hardwork.” These do not prevent understanding, but they reduce precision and control. Aim for more natural collocations and vary repeated terms such as “hard work” and “success.”

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.5

You use a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, including subordinate clauses such as “While working hard is an absolute necessity…” and “so that they can learn…”. Most ideas remain understandable, but some grammatical errors recur. For example, “from their early age” needs a different article and preposition, and “good health is more important for any person” would be more naturally structured as “good health is more important than success for everyone” if that is your intended comparison. In “A person should work or try hard within his capacity,” the pronoun choice is inconsistent with the earlier plural reference to children. Review articles, prepositions, comparison structures, and pronoun consistency, while retaining your varied sentence patterns.

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