Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 15 · 2026-10-08

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Student answer (Band 4.5)

Nowadays, in many cultures are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hardwork. This will good for children to did give him a advice to try hard to earn something. But everything has pros and cons. I will discuss some of the advices for children that help them in future.

Firstly, its not bad in culture to advice children to do hardwork if they earn something in life.for example children need a cycle they do hardwork in a shop or resturant to buy it. They collect money and buy it they don't wish their parents to buy it. They do part time job and buy it on their foots. Secondly, children mind will design on his early age to buy anything with their own money. For example child on his early age learn many things when he will on his early 18 the are much mature than others because he knows everything in this world have their own price tag. If they do hardwork the buy it. If they don't do hardwork they don't buy it. Turning to the other side kid learn if they do hard work they will achieve anything but the main reason is what are the thing they need if the need some thing which will not give him a benefit. That's not good. Another reason of this children do work hard to have a attitude on his look that's not good for himself because people do not like those kids who have attitude in his body. For instance, children earn very good money after doing hardwork but they will earn money but they compare it with those children who have some disease. That is not good for it ownself.

In conclusion, doing hard work is good but they have something good and something bad and they bad for those who had some disease on his body. Good for those who are fit and they were doing hardwork. because he saw other children on his age will do work on a shop or in a resturant to earn money.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.5

You attempt to discuss both advantages and disadvantages, and examples such as earning money to buy a bicycle show an effort to support your ideas. However, the response only partially addresses the question: it focuses mainly on children working and earning money, rather than examining the broader message that effort can help them achieve their goals. The disadvantages are unclear or weakly connected to that message; for example, the point about children developing an “attitude” and comparing themselves with children who have diseases is difficult to interpret. Your position is also not clearly established. To improve, explain specific benefits and risks of encouraging this belief, and develop each with a relevant, clearly explained example. The response meets the stated length requirement; 11 words copied from the task prompt were not counted.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.5

There is a basic attempt to organise the response with an opening, a discussion beginning “Firstly,” a shift marked by “Turning to the other side,” and a conclusion. These signals help the reader recognise that you intend to cover both sides. However, ideas are not arranged in a clear progression: the paragraph moves from buying a bicycle to maturity, then to the value of possessions, attitude, and comparison with children who have diseases. Connections between these points are often unclear, and the conclusion introduces or repeats ideas without resolving the discussion. Referencing such as “they,” “it,” and “this” is sometimes difficult to follow. Use separate, focused paragraphs for advantages and disadvantages, and connect each example explicitly to the main point it supports.

Lexical Resource: Band 4.5

Your vocabulary is basic and repetitive, with repeated use of “hardwork,” “buy,” and “good,” which limits precision. Some phrases communicate the general topic, including “part time job” and “price tag,” but several choices strain the reader or obscure your meaning: “buy it on their foots,” “attitude in his body,” and “disease on his body.” There are also word-form and spelling problems, such as “resturant” and “advices.” Aim to use accurate, natural phrases for the ideas you want to express, rather than repeating the same general words. For example, describe children as earning money independently or becoming financially responsible, and state clearly what negative behaviour or outcome you mean.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5

The response relies mainly on simple sentences and attempts some longer structures, but frequent errors in sentence formation and basic grammar sometimes distort meaning. The opening, “Nowadays, in many cultures are often told,” lacks a clear subject, while “This will good for children to did give him a advice” has problems with verb forms, pronouns, and articles. Agreement and tense are also inconsistent in examples such as “children mind will design” and “the are much mature.” Punctuation and sentence boundaries need attention, particularly where several ideas run together. Practise building accurate simple sentences first, then combine them using clauses such as “because” or “although,” checking subject–verb agreement, articles, and consistent pronouns.

See this exact question answered at other band scores. The same prompt compared across bands.

Browse more IELTS Writing model answers or get your own writing scored by the same AI examiner.