Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 15 · 2026-10-09

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Student answer (Band 4.5)

In this essay we discuss about some culture that if children think that we can do so he work hard to achive it because it aim to achive it. The children told othen to the other about it's aim and satrted to complete our aims. If they try work hard to achive their goal.

On the one hand i think it's a great advantages because the children think of our aim. In some cultures children are often told to the other if he work enough they can easily achive anything that he want to achive it in our lif. Every thing is possible in the world if we copletely concentarte on it furthermore, not anything is impossible in the world. Some of the children want to make dactot,teachers, engineer and pilot so it's aim in the future. In the world people invented many things that i known it's impossible but the people do it and work hard day and night on these projects at last prople do it. So work hard on it's aim amd success in his life within the effort.

On the other hand some disadvantages on it and giving children message if chilren work hard on our aims and distrub our health he included in many serios diseases such as mentally distrub, blood pressure and some of the other disease. Other give the advice to the children take some rest and then satrat it.

In my opinion if the children thought our plan of future he can easily do it.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 5.0

You address both sides of the question and give a clear general view that encouragement can help children pursue future goals. The examples of becoming a doctor, teacher, engineer or pilot, and of people achieving things once thought impossible, are relevant to the advantages. However, the disadvantage is only briefly stated: you mention health problems and rest, but do not explain how the message might lead children to overwork or how unrealistic expectations could affect them. The introduction is difficult to follow, and the conclusion repeats the idea that children can achieve their plans rather than weighing the advantages against the disadvantages. Develop each side with a clear explanation and a specific example, and state your overall judgement more directly.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.5

The response has a basic essay shape, with an introduction, separate paragraphs beginning “On the one hand” and “On the other hand,” and a concluding opinion. These markers help readers recognise the intended structure. However, progression within paragraphs is often unclear: the first paragraph repeats the idea of working hard and achieving aims, while the disadvantage paragraph moves quickly from health to advice about resting without explaining the connection. References such as “it,” “our aim” and “he” make it difficult to identify whose goals are meant. Use a clearer sequence—claim, explanation, example—and ensure pronouns consistently refer to children or their goals. More precise links between ideas would make the organisation easier to follow.

Lexical Resource: Band 4.5

You use some vocabulary relevant to the topic, including “advantages,” “disadvantages,” “future,” “projects” and “diseases,” and you attempt phrases such as “work hard” and “concentrate on it.” However, the range is limited and several word choices or collocations make meaning unclear, as in “distrub our health,” “included in many serious diseases” and “do so he work hard.” Repetition of “aim,” “achieve” and “work hard” also limits precision. Spelling errors such as “achive,” “concentarte” and “serios” are noticeable. Build a bank of accurate topic phrases, such as “pursue a goal,” “set realistic expectations” and “risk of burnout,” and check spelling and word forms carefully.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5

You attempt both simple statements and longer sentences, including a sentence beginning “Every thing is possible… furthermore,” but the longer constructions are often difficult to understand. Errors in sentence structure, verb forms, agreement and pronoun use occur frequently: for example, “if children think that we can do so he work hard” shifts between subjects, and “if the children thought our plan of future he can easily do it” mixes past and present forms. Articles and plurals are also inconsistent, as in “a great advantages.” These problems sometimes make the intended meaning hard to follow. Practise building accurate simple sentences first, then join related ideas with one clear subordinate clause; check that subjects, verbs and pronouns agree throughout.

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