Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 15 · 2026-10-10

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Student answer (Band 4.5)

The maney people are giving good advayes to there children which can help in ther life.The children gate a nolage from cultures that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. This essay will exemplfy the advantages and disadvantages in both way.

The family are giving thoats to the children that they can achieve anthing so they try hard in ther life. When children are taking this advise so they never thuink that they shoud do aney type of mistake in there life. To exemplify, in maney cultures was told to there children to work hard ,so they awlays do work hard and they gat a good jobs and apochuniti in there life.

Some people are not giving this type of thougs to ther children. They are thinking that children can do there work on ther mind. In some cultures children do not have this type of knolage at time they do mistak and spoile ther life. For instance, some young people do not get a best enformation in there life so they do Committed theft and do big mistak.

In conclusion, cultures alwas give a best knolage to the children so they can give best in there life. Goverment make some beater camiti and tale to them to give best information and triend the children becouse they can use this infomation in there life. I think when children have to do hard work in there life so they a

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.0

You address both sides of the question: the first body paragraph presents hard work and job opportunities as benefits, while the second mentions children making mistakes and committing theft as possible disadvantages. However, the discussion is only minimally developed, and the disadvantage is not clearly linked to being told that effort can achieve anything. The conclusion introduces government committees and training, which are not explained as part of your answer. The response also does not meet the 250-word minimum: it contains 231 words, with 10 words copied from the task prompt excluded from the count. To strengthen the response, explain more directly how this message can motivate children and how it might create unrealistic expectations or self-blame when they fail.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 5.0

Your response has a recognisable essay structure, with an introduction, two body paragraphs and a conclusion. The paragraphs also broadly separate the advantages from the disadvantages, which helps readers follow the main direction. However, progression within paragraphs is often unclear: for example, the claim that children “never think” they should make mistakes does not lead clearly to the example about working hard and getting jobs. Linking phrases such as “To exemplify” and “For instance” are attempted, but the connections they introduce are not always logical or sufficiently explained. The conclusion adds new suggestions rather than bringing the two sides together, and the final sentence is unfinished. Develop one point at a time and use clear links between each claim, explanation and example.

Lexical Resource: Band 4.0

You use some vocabulary relevant to the topic, including “achieve,” “work hard,” “mistake,” “opportunities” and “information,” so the general subject is usually identifiable. However, the range is basic and repetitive, and frequent spelling errors make several phrases difficult to understand, such as “maney,” “advayes,” “nolage” and “apochuniti.” Some word choices are also unclear or unnatural: “give a best knowledge” and “do committed theft” do not express your meaning accurately. Aim to learn accurate topic-related phrases and check spelling carefully. More precise expressions such as “encourage perseverance,” “set realistic expectations” and “face setbacks” would help you explain the advantages and disadvantages with greater clarity.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5

You attempt both simple statements and longer sentences with clauses, for example, “When children are taking this advise so they never thuink…” This shows an effort to connect ideas, but the sentence pattern is faulty and the meaning is difficult to follow. Errors in verb forms, agreement, articles and sentence construction occur throughout: “The family are giving,” “they gat a good jobs,” and “when children have to do hard work … so they” are examples. The final sentence is incomplete, which also affects clarity. Most sentences rely on basic patterns, and these errors sometimes distort the intended meaning. Practise writing complete subject–verb sentences first, then add subordinate clauses using accurate forms, such as “When children receive this message, they may be more willing to persevere.”

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