Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 15 · 2026-10-15

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Student answer (Band 5.5)

In the modern era, there is a huge debate is going on that in some cultures, children are often told that they can achive anything if they try hard enough.

In current time it one of the most important debates in the world. In coming paragraphs, we will discuss the pros and cons of giving children this massage in their childhood.

To begin with, mostly poeple do things who they have learnt in their earlier life. Society and family mates make the mindset of a children. People often told their children to do work hard for getting any achivement in their lives. Some how, it is good guidence for the young generation for selection their goal in earlier life. If they follow this, it will be helpfull for them in their further life.

On the other hand, there are a lot of drawbacks of advising children for work hard in their coming life. Through this, their life can be disturbed, and their own goal of life will also destory. It is possible, they feel disappoint from the life, and some children who are too sensitive, may report their parents in the police station for too much burden in their satrting time of life.

According to my own experience and observations, when I was younger, my parents and other people start to advice me for work hard, I took serious their advice and follow their instruction in my life. But sometimes, they realise that they should not presure me too much and avoid to give too much advices to me for hard work.

To sum up, we have discussed both advantages and disadvantages of the statement. The result of whloe conservation is that elders should advise children for hardwork, but they should make some limits of it. Otherwise, it may prove bad for the mental health of children.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 5.5

You address both sides of the question and give a clear overall view: encouraging effort can help children pursue goals, but excessive pressure may harm their mental health. The personal example about your parents also supports your discussion. However, the advantages and disadvantages are only partly developed. For instance, you say the message helps children choose goals early, but do not explain how it builds persistence or what practical benefits follow. The drawback about children reporting parents to the police is presented without explanation and feels less convincing than the point about disappointment and pressure. Develop each main idea with a clear reason or realistic example, and make the distinction between encouragement and unrealistic promises more explicit.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 6.0

The response has a recognisable overall structure: an introduction, separate paragraphs for advantages and disadvantages, a personal example, and a conclusion. Transitions such as “To begin with,” “On the other hand,” and “To sum up” help signal the direction of the discussion. However, progression within paragraphs is sometimes unclear, and the personal example is not clearly connected to the earlier points. Phrases such as “Through this” and “their own goal” have unclear references, while the conclusion repeats the two-sided position rather than drawing the ideas together. Use clearer links between claims and explanations, and ensure each paragraph develops one central point in a logical sequence.

Lexical Resource: Band 4.5

You use some relevant topic vocabulary, including “mindset,” “goal,” “drawbacks,” and “mental health,” so the reader can follow the general discussion. However, the range is limited and several word-choice, collocation, and spelling errors make the expression imprecise: “giving children this massage” should be “message,” “work hard” is awkward in “advising children for work hard,” and “hardwork” should be written as “hard work.” Other errors include “achivement,” “guidence,” and “destory.” Build a more accurate set of phrases for discussing encouragement and pressure, such as “persevere,” “set realistic goals,” and “place undue pressure on children.” Check spelling and common word combinations carefully.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0

You attempt both simple and longer sentence forms, including conditional structures such as “If they follow this, it will be helpfull for them” and a contrast introduced by “On the other hand.” However, control is inconsistent, and errors in sentence construction, verb forms, agreement, articles, and punctuation sometimes make the meaning difficult to follow. For example, “there is a huge debate is going on” combines two verb patterns, while “Society and family mates make the mindset of a children” has agreement and article problems. The sentence beginning “According to my own experience” also shifts awkwardly between past and present forms. Practise building accurate basic sentences first, then add subordinate clauses and check each sentence for one clear subject and verb.

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