Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 15 · 2026-10-15

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Student answer (Band 4.5)

To begin with , there are several reasons hard work in children is important in our daily life . The main reasons is that some cultures chlidren are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough can have dircet prople on society . May people face this issue in their daily lives , it can influence their lifestyle in different way . For example it may affects children's work , education , Study , Hard work , Health or relationship . In addition , children people and all family children , can also be inluenced by this situation . The important point is that some cultures, children try to hard work can have both positive and negative effects . It mainly depends on how children use it and how they deal with the situation .

Moreover thet are hard work to children achieve the goal and secure the future and possible way to improve the cultures . Children should have proper knowledge and should make responsible decisions . The Teachers, Parents schools and children can also play an important role by providing guidance and supports . The children achieve the new skills more hard work the children more then new genration full trained and secure the futures . For instance , Simple rule and better awareness can help children make better decisions .

In conclusion , very hard children and achieve the new skill but not health the save first priortay health the full care very important issue that should not be ignored . If children which work togather not food the focus just new skills achieve the goal and health the negative effects , this effects can be reduced way to improve the situation.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.0

The response makes a limited attempt to discuss the message that children can achieve anything through effort, and it briefly mentions possible benefits such as gaining skills and securing a future, alongside health as a concern. However, the advantages and disadvantages are not clearly separated or explained, and much of the discussion is too unclear to show how the message affects children. For example, “can have dircet prople on society” does not identify a specific effect, while the conclusion’s point about health is difficult to interpret. The response therefore addresses the task only minimally rather than developing relevant ideas. To improve, state clearly how persistence can build confidence or resilience, then explain the drawback that children may blame themselves or neglect wellbeing when success is not guaranteed. (The response meets the required length; 13 words copied from the task prompt were excluded from the count.)

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.5

There is a basic attempt to organise the response into an opening, a middle section and a conclusion, and signposts such as “To begin with,” “Moreover” and “In conclusion” show awareness of paragraph structure. However, the ideas do not progress in a clear sequence: the first paragraph moves from society to lifestyle, family and effects without explaining their connections, and the second shifts between goals, teachers, skills and awareness. Several sentences are difficult to follow, especially “The children achieve the new skills more hard work the children more then new genration full trained and secure the futures.” Linking phrases sometimes announce a new point but do not establish a logical relationship. Plan one paragraph for advantages and one for disadvantages, and use clear topic sentences and references to connect each supporting explanation to its main point.

Lexical Resource: Band 4.5

The response uses some task-related vocabulary, including “hard work,” “achieve the goal,” “skills,” “guidance” and “health,” so the general subject can sometimes be recognised. However, the range is basic and repetitive, and inaccurate word choice, spelling and collocation often make the intended meaning hard to understand. Phrases such as “dircet prople on society,” “the new genration full trained” and “not health the save first priortay” are unclear, while “hard work” is repeated without more precise alternatives. Build a small set of accurate expressions for discussing effort and its consequences, such as “perseverance,” “develop resilience,” and “unrealistic expectations.” Check spelling and use words in natural combinations; this will make your ideas more precise and reduce the effort required of the reader.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5

The response attempts a few longer sentence forms, including “The important point is that…” and “If children which work togather…,” and uses basic connectors to join clauses. However, sentence structures are very limited in control, and frequent errors in agreement, verb forms, articles and clause construction sometimes distort meaning. For example, “The main reasons is” has incorrect agreement, “it may affects” uses the wrong verb form after a modal, and “children try to hard work can have” does not form a clear clause. The final conditional sentence is also difficult to interpret because its clauses are not grammatically connected. Practise writing short, complete sentences first, then combine them with accurate subordinate clauses. Check subject–verb agreement and use the base verb after modal verbs such as “may” and “can.”

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