Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 15 · 2026-10-15

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Student answer (Band 6.0)

It is argued that children often learn to work hard in order to conquer their desire goals and objectives This essay will propose that they will have a better future is a major advantage of this and mental health problems is the primary disadvantage.

Working hard is one of the most difficult things to do but the reward is also great, for that children should start practicing basics of their future core subject area. this will provide them a valuable insight into upcoming task and goals because everything depends on discipline of the young guns and how they prepare road maps for their success. in addition, they also require the support of family and friends in order to keep their dreams alive. for instance, the data released by the Australian development committee signifies that children who start their practice at very early their success rate is 85 to 90%.

In spite of these advantages, a number of children often take these goals as their life which directly impact on their mental health such as depression, stress. they work hard for their dreams but sometimes it does not go in same way they wanted to which demotivates them and guide them to leave everything for mental peace for example: a survey was done by one of the Norwegian psychiatrists which shows that children age between 16 to 18 often depressed due to their future learning.

In conclusion, working hard for dreams is great but sometimes it is necessary to focus on health if any impact came from your goals as health should be the ultimate priority of children.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 6.0

You address both sides of the question and give a clear overall view: hard work may support children’s future success, while pressure around goals can harm mental health. The two body paragraphs each focus on one side, and the examples about family support and stress are relevant. However, the response sometimes shifts from the message children are given to the general value of working hard. The advantage is not fully explained in relation to believing that effort makes anything achievable, and the claim about an 85–90% success rate is not connected to a specific outcome. Develop each point by explaining how the message affects children and qualify claims that are not clearly supported.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 6.5

The essay has a clear overall arrangement: an introduction, one paragraph on advantages, one on disadvantages, and a conclusion. The contrast signalled by “In spite of these advantages” helps the reader follow the shift in focus, and examples are placed alongside the relevant points. This meets the lower-band expectation of coherent organisation and shows some features of stronger progression. However, several links are mechanical or unclear: “for that” does not express the intended relationship clearly, and “which” in the final body paragraph has an uncertain reference. Some sentences also contain several ideas without clear boundaries. Use more precise linking expressions and divide long sentences so each paragraph develops its main point step by step.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.5

You attempt vocabulary suited to the topic, including “discipline,” “mental health,” “demotivates,” and “ultimate priority.” These choices show some range beyond basic everyday language. However, the range is limited by repeated general terms such as “goals,” “dreams,” and “hard,” while several word choices or collocations are inaccurate or unnatural, including “conquer their desire goals,” “upcoming task,” and “leave everything for mental peace.” These phrases can make the intended meaning less clear. Aim for precise, natural combinations and check word forms and spelling; for example, describe children as pursuing “ambitious goals” and say that pressure may “undermine their well-being.”

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0

You attempt both simple and more complex sentences, including clauses introduced by “because,” “which,” and “in order to.” This gives the response some structural variety, but control is inconsistent, and errors sometimes make relationships between ideas difficult to follow. Examples include the opening sentence, which lacks clear punctuation and a complete structure, and “they work hard for their dreams but sometimes it does not go in same way they wanted to,” where tense and clause construction are faulty. There are also errors in articles, agreement, and sentence boundaries, such as “children age between 16 to 18 often depressed.” Practise building accurate sentences first, then add subordinate clauses; check verb forms, articles, and punctuation when editing.

See this exact question answered at other band scores. The same prompt compared across bands.

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