Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 15 · 2026-10-16

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Student answer (Band 5.5)

In several cultures, young people are telling they can achieve anything if they working hard. This essay has many positive and negative effect because children have high potential, on the negative side, it is bad effect on the children mind.

One evident benefit is that when children are working hard so they make a discipline. They can try to achieve anything so they can work every day and they keep in mind our goal so that's why it make a discipline. Second advantage is that, in case children are interesting in sports, so they are going to progress because they have high potential with this. In addition, they can gain a lot of experience when they want to achieve their goal.

On the other hand, the negative effect on their mind because they are very time thinking about that and their mood are every time off. They are feel overwhelmed about the work and sometime they are frustrated. For instance, when a young boy can want to achieve a high progress about something so they are feel fretful. The second drawback is that they are slaving away from work they have no time to play outdoor activities and anything they like because they are destroy our own present moment.

In conclusion, this trend has many pros and cons because children are able to achieve anything when they are working hard so it make a discipline and consistency to it. Instead, they are feel unset and they cannot enjoy our own life.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 5.5

You address both sides of the question and give a clear overall view that the message can build discipline but may harm children’s wellbeing and free time. The benefits paragraph includes relevant points about persistence, sports and gaining experience, while the drawbacks paragraph mentions feeling overwhelmed and losing time for outdoor activities. However, several ideas remain general or unclear: for example, “they can work every day” does not explain how the message helps beyond encouraging effort, and the example about a boy seeking “a high progress” is difficult to follow. Develop each point with a clearer explanation or a specific illustration, and make the conclusion state the balance between the advantages and disadvantages more precisely.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 6.0

The response has a coherent overall arrangement: an introduction, separate paragraphs for advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion. Signposting such as “One evident benefit,” “On the other hand,” and “In conclusion” helps readers follow the main direction. However, some links are mechanical or do not connect ideas accurately, as in “when children are working hard so they make a discipline” and “In addition” before a point that is not clearly developed. References such as “this,” “it,” and “they” are sometimes unclear, particularly in the final paragraph. Use fewer formulaic connectors and make the relationship between each claim and its explanation explicit; clearer topic sentences and reference words would improve progression.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.0

You use enough topic-related vocabulary to communicate the main ideas, including “potential,” “discipline,” “overwhelmed,” “frustrated,” and “outdoor activities.” There are also attempts to express less familiar ideas, such as “slaving away,” but some choices are inaccurate or unnatural and can make meaning difficult to interpret. Examples include “their mood are every time off,” “a high progress,” and “they are destroy our own present moment.” The repeated use of “achieve,” “work,” and “children” also limits variety. Build a more precise range of collocations for effort, wellbeing and development, and check whether each phrase sounds natural in context. This would make your ideas clearer without requiring unnecessarily advanced vocabulary.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5

You attempt both simple and longer sentence forms, including clauses beginning with “when” and “because,” and the overall meaning is usually recoverable. However, control is inconsistent, especially in verb forms, agreement and sentence construction. For example, “young people are telling” needs a passive form, while “if they working hard” is missing an auxiliary. In “their mood are” and “it make a discipline,” the subject and verb do not agree. Some longer sentences combine clauses incorrectly, as in “when children are working hard so they make a discipline,” and “they are feel overwhelmed.” Practise building accurate sentences with one clear main clause and a correctly formed subordinate clause, then check verb forms and agreement during revision.

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