Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 15 · 2026-10-19

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Student answer (Band 4.5)

Nowadays, ''Told someone or Give advise'' become a common. While it offers several advantages, it also has some disadvanatges. In my opnion, I believe that if I give advise to children if they want anything of the world they can get it easily however it requires hard work to get that thing therefore, If I ask to someone to work hard to get life beautifull if he has some sense of taking actions he would like to work according to the life which he wants to make beautiful. For example my younger brother he is 18years old, I told him in motivative manner brother if you want a sucessfull man if your life then you have to set your goal and achieve it. I he has ability how to take action then I saw him he sat many their life goals in addition he working hard according to their goals neverthless he will become sucessfull man. While If I told other one who have not ability how to treat elders how to we can talk with elders, In my opnion he thinks he wants to become my teacher beacuse He is giving me advise. For example I gave a piece of advice to the son of my sister he was very overconfident when I tried to gave some advise about the future, and how to set your goals how you can work hard they instantly over reacted to me why you are saying that etc, there are numberous examples were in history who become perfect man after gotted by some advice moreover there were also examples of people who ignored advice and got nothing in the life.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.5

You address both the potential benefit and drawback of encouraging children to believe effort can help them succeed. The example of your younger brother setting goals and working hard supports the positive side, while your nephew’s defensive reaction illustrates that advice may be rejected or interpreted as criticism. However, the response does not clearly explain the broader advantages and disadvantages of the specific message in the question. Much of the discussion shifts to giving advice generally, and the opening position is difficult to follow. The historical reference to people who accepted or ignored advice is also vague and unsupported. To strengthen the response, state your view clearly and explain how this message can build motivation while also creating unrealistic expectations or disappointment.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 3.5

There is an identifiable contrast between positive and negative outcomes, and examples give the response some direction. However, ideas are not arranged into clear paragraphs, so the reader must work to distinguish the two sides of the argument. The opening sentence does not establish a clear topic, and the long sequence beginning “In my opinion” combines several points without clear boundaries. Connectors such as “While,” “therefore,” and “moreover” are used, but some do not show the relationship between ideas accurately. Pronouns and references, including “he” and “that thing,” can also be unclear. Organise the response into an introduction, one paragraph for each side, and a conclusion, using shorter sentences and clear links between each example and its point.

Lexical Resource: Band 4.5

You attempt vocabulary relevant to motivation and achievement, including “set your goal,” “work hard,” “overconfident,” and “piece of advice.” These choices show an effort to discuss the topic, but the range is basic and several expressions are repeated or used inaccurately, which sometimes makes the meaning difficult to follow. Examples include “motivative manner,” “a sucessfull man,” and “gotted by some advice”; spelling errors such as “disadvanatges” and “opnion” also reduce clarity. Some phrases, such as “get anything of the world,” do not express the intended idea naturally. Build a more precise set of topic vocabulary and check spelling, word forms, and collocations so that your examples communicate your meaning more directly.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5

You attempt to connect ideas in longer sentences and use conditional forms, as in “if you want … then you have to set your goal and achieve it.” However, sentence structures are often incomplete or difficult to control, and errors frequently obscure the relationships between ideas. For example, “I he has ability how to take action then I saw him” has an unclear clause structure, while “he sat many their life goals” does not form a grammatically clear sentence. Verb forms and agreement are also inconsistent, as in “he working hard” and “they instantly over reacted.” Punctuation is limited, producing run-on sentences. Practise building accurate simple sentences first, then combine them with controlled clauses and check tense, agreement, articles, and sentence boundaries.

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