Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 15 · 2026-10-21

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Student answer (Band 4.5)

In some culture childrens are often told that if they want to achieve something in their life they have to work hard and try try and try again for that.Trying is the backbone of achieving success in our lifes.If they want to achieve something they must burnt the midnight oil for that.Advantages of giving this message to the children includes they become motivated and work hard to achive their goals.If you want something big in life,you must have to work for it,failure is not permenant and you donot need to loss the hope ,you have to try,try and try again for that.childrens think that if they fail in achieving something they might skip them, but dreams become true when you try hard for it.In some cultures they are adviced that they can achieve anything so that they cannot loose hope and they stayed confident in every field of life.they know that if they put alot effort into it,their effort is not wasted and they can get their reward .children also think that we are with them in every field of life.so that they feel a support and perform their best.It also have disadvantages like when we told them that we are always with them.they think that our family is always with us and they starting effort to achive illegal activities.Then they tried to work hard enough to beat someone and involve in other activities which are not good for them. these are the disadvantages of giving this message to our childrens. so that it is not neccesary that they achieve anything if they try hard enough.Everything should be better on their own times.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 5.0

The response addresses both sides of the question and gives a relevant central idea: the message may encourage children to persist, while unrealistic confidence or support could lead to poor choices. Examples such as children becoming “motivated” and feeling “a support” show an attempt to explain benefits. However, the disadvantages are less clearly connected to the message: the claim that children may pursue “illegal activities” is asserted without explaining how believing effort brings success would cause this. The final statement that “it is not necessary that they achieve anything” also leaves your overall view uncertain. Develop each side with a specific, plausible example and clarify whether the message is helpful when balanced with realistic expectations.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.0

There is a basic sequence from the general claim to advantages and then disadvantages, and phrases such as “Advantages” and “It also have disadvantages” signal the intended direction. However, the response is presented as one long paragraph, so the main points are difficult to distinguish. Ideas also repeat—“try, try and try again” and “work hard” recur—without building a clear progression. Some links are unclear, particularly the move from family support to children attempting illegal activities. Use separate paragraphs for the introduction, advantages, disadvantages, and conclusion. Within each paragraph, connect a main point to its explanation and example, and use referencing and linking phrases only where the relationship between ideas is clear.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.0

You use some relevant expressions, including “backbone of achieving success” and “burnt the midnight oil,” which show an attempt to use idiomatic language. Vocabulary is nevertheless limited and repetitive, especially around “try,” “achieve,” and “work hard,” and several choices or spellings reduce precision: “loss the hope,” “loose hope,” and “their effort is not wasted.” The phrase “beat someone” is also vague in this context. Aim for more precise language to distinguish persistence from guaranteed success, such as describing realistic goals, resilience, or pressure to succeed. Check spelling and collocations carefully, and avoid repeating the same phrase when a more exact expression can explain the idea.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5

The response attempts some longer sentences and conditional ideas, for example, “If they want to achieve something they must…” and “when you try hard for it.” However, sentence structures are often faulty, and errors in agreement, verb forms, articles, and punctuation occur throughout. Examples include “children is often told,” “they must burnt,” “they starting effort,” and “It also have disadvantages.” Several sentences run together, making relationships between clauses harder to follow. Practise forming accurate simple sentences first, then combine them with controlled clauses using “because,” “although,” or “if.” Check subject–verb agreement and verb patterns, and use full stops to separate complete ideas.

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