Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 15 · 2026-10-25

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Student answer (Band 4.5)

Todays, in many cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. This massage has both advantage and disadvantage because same teachers and parents has suggestin by this idea, i think this eassy has both good and bad.

On the one hand, the advantages are some parents and teachers was teached to be with children are lifetime strugle and they are setale by future Many parents will be told with the before time children has good and bad time they are achieve anythinf if they try hard enough.Firstly, example: parents and teachers has most important by kids life and mostly to be some children do not strugale to be they life, although they are do not heared by they perents and teachers told somethings and they are regrate to be future time.

On the other hand, the disadvantage are many parents, teachers and koligs has force by kids life and they are depresed by this time and they will be confuced to be they life and they are time spend by poor life with the future. Secaundly, many cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough but this is a wrong often to be some children life furthermore, kids can try hard enough strugal but result has zero and some children was depresed to be this time.

In conclusion, i think this eassy has both because some cultures, with the parents and teachers has good ideas but saome time children can try hard do not often to be strugal time they are depresed by this time.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.0

You address both sides of the question and give a concluding view that the message has “both” good and bad effects. However, the advantages and disadvantages are not explained clearly enough to show how the message affects children. For example, the point that children may “regrate” later is difficult to connect to the benefit of encouragement, while the disadvantage that effort may produce “zero” results is relevant but needs a clearer explanation. The response therefore only partially develops the task. It also falls short of the required 250 words: the authoritative count is 239 words, with 30 words copied from the prompt excluded. To improve, explain one specific benefit and one specific risk, then support each with a clear example or consequence.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 5.0

The response has a recognisable structure: an introduction, separate paragraphs beginning “On the one hand” and “On the other hand,” and a conclusion. These signposts help the reader identify the intended advantages and disadvantages. However, there is no clear progression within the body paragraphs, and several sentences combine ideas without showing how they relate. For instance, the first body paragraph moves from parents’ influence to children’s struggles and regret, while the second shifts from pressure to depression and unsuccessful effort. Linking expressions such as “Firstly” and “Secaundly” are used, but they do not make the reasoning clearer. Organise each paragraph around one main point, explain it, and use clear references and transitions between sentences.

Lexical Resource: Band 4.5

You use some vocabulary relevant to the topic, including “achieve,” “try hard enough,” “future,” and “depresed,” and you attempt to discuss struggle and pressure. However, the range is basic and repetitive, and frequent spelling errors or inaccurate word choices make parts difficult to understand. Examples include “massage” for “message,” “strugale,” “koligs,” and “confuced.” Some phrases, such as “result has zero” and “spend by poor life,” do not express the intended meaning naturally. Build a small set of accurate topic phrases, such as “encourage perseverance,” “set realistic expectations,” and “feel discouraged,” and check spelling and collocations carefully. This would make your ideas easier to follow and more precise.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5

You attempt both simple and longer sentences, including a contrast introduced by “although” and a sentence beginning “furthermore.” However, sentence structures are very limited in control, and frequent errors in verb forms, agreement, articles, and sentence boundaries sometimes obscure meaning. For example, “some parents and teachers was teached” has problems with agreement and passive form, while “many parents, teachers and koligs has force” does not form a clear grammatical sentence. The opening also contains several clauses joined without clear punctuation. Practise building accurate simple sentences first, then combine them with one controlled subordinate clause. Check subject–verb agreement and past or present verb forms before adding more complex structures.

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