Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 15 · 2026-10-26

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Student answer (Band 4.5)

Nowaday,s it is bocone a trend that children can acheive avery kind of goals if they do work hard .Hard working is necessary for acheiveing a desired goal because nothing is possible without hard working .It has both positive and negative consequence to tell the children that that can do every thing. On the pisitive side,parents encourage their childrenfor acheiving their goals ,future,s preparation ,to do something for thewelfare of society while on the negative side ,it can bulid pressure on children, cut off relations from society.

The first and for most significant advantage is encouragement .parent and relatives encourage their children for acheiving their desirable goals. For instance , parent tells to their children that if you acheive 1st posi

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.0

You identify both sides of the issue, mentioning encouragement and possible pressure or social isolation, so the response is relevant to the question. However, the discussion is only minimal: the advantage is introduced, but the example stops at “if you achieve 1st posi…”, and the disadvantages are not explained or supported. The response also ends before reaching a conclusion or establishing a clear overall view. It contains 121 words, which is below the required 250, leaving too little space to address both advantages and disadvantages adequately. Develop each side with a clear explanation and a complete example, then summarise your position.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 5.0

There is a basic attempt to organise the response: you introduce both advantages and disadvantages, then begin a paragraph about encouragement. The contrast marker “while on the negative side” also signals a change in direction. However, the ideas do not progress into a complete essay, and the second paragraph ends abruptly, so the reader cannot follow a developed line of reasoning. Some linking is repetitive or awkward, such as “The first and for most significant advantage,” and the opening sentence combines several ideas without clear separation. Use distinct paragraphs for the introduction, each side of the discussion, and the conclusion; connect each paragraph with simple, accurate transitions and complete the ideas you introduce.

Lexical Resource: Band 4.5

Your vocabulary includes relevant terms such as “encourage,” “desirable goals,” “pressure,” and “society,” showing an attempt to discuss the topic rather than relying only on very general language. However, the range is limited and several spelling and word-choice errors make parts difficult to understand, including “Nowaday,s,” “acheive,” “avery kind of goals,” and “bulid pressure.” Some phrases are also unnatural, such as “future,s preparation” and “cut off relations from society.” Aim for accurate, natural collocations and check spelling carefully. More precise expressions such as “pursue their ambitions” or “feel excessive pressure” would help you explain the ideas clearly.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5

The response attempts a few longer structures, including “because nothing is possible without hard working” and the contrast between the positive and negative sides. However, sentence patterns are very limited, and frequent errors in sentence construction, agreement, articles, and punctuation sometimes obscure meaning. For example, “parent and relatives encourage their children” has a number-agreement problem, while “parent tells to their children” uses an incorrect grammatical pattern. The opening also runs several ideas together, and the final example is incomplete. Practise writing complete simple sentences accurately first, then add controlled complex sentences using “because,” “although,” and “while.” Check articles, plural forms, and sentence boundaries during proofreading.

See this exact question answered at other band scores. The same prompt compared across bands.

Browse more IELTS Writing model answers or get your own writing scored by the same AI examiner.