Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 15 · 2026-10-26

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Student answer (Band 5.5)

In numerous socities,it is often said to adolosence that if they work hard they can achieve anything.This essay will discuss the benefits as well as the drawbacks of this message giving to kids.

One major advantage of this is that pupil will work hard to achieve their goal.To explain this,if this myth encourage the kid to accomplish the tasks as well as to do well in their academics it will benefit them in the future.For instance,todlers who listen to this will did good in their school and in their acadmics from which the outcome of the resuly would be positive and from this they will further develop themselves and can achieve everything they want.As a result,if parents start saying this to their children it will automatically came as a postive result.

There are also some drawbacks of this,firstly,kids only focus on one things.As there parents continusly saying this to their children it will become burden on them as they only focus on one task rather than enjoying their life by playing outside with others.To illustrate,many pupils become isolate by this as they stuck themselve for one thing and they forget to enjoy their life in the race of becoming a perfectinist.Hence,it is the dark side of this the children as they will not communicate with others and distance themselves from others.

After pondering the above statements,trying to achieve by working hard has both advantages and disadvantage.Although,it can encourage the children from becoming the person they want,it may also isolate the children.In my opinion,advantages are greater because working hard from early stage of life will assist them to settle fast in the future.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 5.5

You address both sides of the question and give a clear overall view: hard work may encourage children, while the message can also create pressure and social isolation. The examples about school performance and children focusing on one task are relevant. However, the advantages are explained mainly through academic success, and the claim that children may become isolated is not fully connected to the message that effort can achieve anything. The conclusion says the advantages are greater, but the reason that children will “settle fast” in the future is not clearly explained. Develop each point with a more direct cause-and-effect explanation and make the final judgement more specific.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 6.0

The response has a recognisable structure, with an introduction, separate paragraphs for advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion. Signposts such as “One major advantage,” “There are also some drawbacks,” and “In my opinion” help readers follow the main direction. This gives the essay a coherent overall arrangement. However, some links are mechanical or unclear: “As a result” introduces a claim that largely repeats the preceding point, while “Hence” does not clearly follow from the example about perfectionism. References such as “this” and “they” can also be difficult to track. Improve progression by making each sentence build on the previous one and using clearer references to children, parents, or the message.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.0

You use some relevant vocabulary for the topic, including “achieve their goal,” “burden,” “isolate,” and “communicate with others.” These choices help convey the main ideas, but the range is limited and several word choices or collocations are inaccurate, sometimes making the meaning less clear. For example, “the message giving to kids” is not a natural phrase, and “stuck themselves for one thing” does not express the intended idea clearly. There are also noticeable spelling errors, including “socities,” “adolosence,” and “acad mics.” Build a more precise set of phrases for motivation, pressure, and personal development, and proofread spelling and word forms carefully.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0

You attempt both simple and more complex sentences, including conditional structures such as “if they work hard they can achieve anything” and clauses beginning “Although” and “As.” However, complex sentences are often faulty, and errors in verb forms, agreement, articles, and sentence boundaries can make the reader work to understand the point. Examples include “this myth encourage the kid,” “they will did good,” and “it will automatically came.” The opening also joins clauses without adequate punctuation. Practise forming accurate conditional sentences and checking that the subject and verb agree and that verbs remain in the correct tense. Shorter, controlled sentences would help make your ideas clearer while you develop range.

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