Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 15 · 2026-10-27

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Student answer (Band 6.0)

In some cultures, children are often told that if they try hard there's nothing that they can't achieve. This statement has some advantages as well as a few drawbacks. In this essay I will discuss both aspects and make the evaluation that whether it has more advantages or drawbacks.

At first, we will talk about the advantages of the statement that children are often told with. The major plus point of this statement id that it develop a sense of hardwork in children, they will learn the art of trying again and again. Moreover, this will encourage them to not to give up if their first attempt fails. This the most important lesson that should be taught to every growing kid. Another major advantage to they will always learn from their mistakes instead of blamming others, following that they will never consider anything they want to achieve impossible or beyond their control. On top of that, this thing will help them a lot when they become adults. This lesson will help them reduce their stress and they'll handle difficult situations more calmly.

Conversely, this thing can also lead to a few drawbacks. Children may develop a habit of just sticking to one problem until solved, ignoring others. It can also effect their mind state negatively. For example if a children tried and achieve something once or maybe twice, he or she may develop a mind state of just winning and in that case if that children encounters any failure he or she can go to serious depression. This thing will effect his brain negatively.

In conclusion, I think along with advantages we should also consider it's disadvantages. So, we should tell children to work hard but we should not press this thing on them. It also depends on a child's ability how he view things.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 6.0

You address both advantages and disadvantages and give a clear overall view: children should be encouraged to work hard, but the message should not be imposed on them. The benefits—persistence, learning from mistakes and coping with challenges as adults—are relevant. However, some points are more fully explained than others. The discussion of persistence is supported with several consequences, while the claim that children may ignore other problems is introduced but not developed. The risk of depression after failure is also asserted without explaining how this outcome might arise or acknowledging that children respond differently. To strengthen the response, explain each drawback with a specific, balanced example and make the final evaluation of the message’s advantages and disadvantages more explicit.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 6.5

The response has a coherent overall arrangement: an introduction, separate paragraphs for advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion. The progression from persistence to learning from mistakes is generally easy to follow, and signposts such as “Moreover,” “Conversely” and “In conclusion” help identify the stages of the argument. This meets the lower-band expectation of clear overall organisation and shows some flexibility in linking ideas. However, transitions can feel mechanical, and references such as “this thing” and “that children” are not always precise, making connections between claims less smooth. The advantages paragraph also contains several points in a long sequence. Use clearer topic sentences, vary linking methods, and divide or connect supporting points more deliberately to improve flow.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.5

You use enough vocabulary to communicate the main ideas, including relevant terms such as “drawbacks,” “attempt,” “failure” and “difficult situations.” There are also some attempts at more specific expressions, such as “a sense of hardwork” and “mind state,” but several choices are inaccurate, informal or repetitive. Phrases such as “this thing” and “major plus point” are vague or conversational for an academic essay, while “effect” is used where the verb “affect” is needed. Spelling errors such as “blamming” and “hardwork” also reduce accuracy. Build a more precise academic vocabulary for persistence, expectations and emotional effects, and check spelling and word forms during revision.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.5

You attempt a mix of simple and complex sentences, including conditional structures such as “if a children tried…” and clauses explaining consequences. The overall meaning is usually understandable, but some grammatical errors affect clarity and control. For example, “it develop” has incorrect subject–verb agreement, and “if a children” has an article and plural mismatch. The sentence beginning “Another major advantage to they will…” is structurally incomplete, while “I will discuss both aspects and make the evaluation that whether…” uses an awkward clause construction. There are also errors in forms such as “how he view things.” Practise building complete sentences with accurate agreement, articles and clause patterns, and proofread longer sentences for punctuation and structure.

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