Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 15 · 2026-10-28

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Student answer (Band 4.5)

I want to describe some culture are often try to hard work that they can achieve goals.Many children try to work hard and than achieve goals our life.how ever few childrens try work hard butt in conclusion not acvieve goals while few childerens feels stress and confusion.

In my opinion work is a good job for childrens because this age is growth. Some childrens while small ages try to work hard because that they family is financially is low. some children fulltime work , part time job and and stating small busineess this is write path own life or society. my segesion of other parents own children can trying to work hard because its very helpfulll on your life and future goals.

Some time time children hard work day and night. And than acienr our goals.However few childrens work work try to hard but in concluson still no benifits o our life than children decide this way is very difficult and boring and stressfull. MY suggession some is try to new skills like programing, vedio editing, excel and others office work because this is jvery is usefull in cruntlly and future life. Recently last year Amarica launch the artificial intelligengce (AI) is very usfull of our life. such as office work students write a asigment and all in each everything. Many people use to ai for contruct area , preparation for ielts , and mathamatics problem solving.

Sometime childrens try to work hard and than not to achieve goals in our life butt didnot feel the negative things.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.0

You make a relevant attempt to discuss the message that hard work can lead to achievement, and you recognise a possible disadvantage: children may feel stress or become discouraged when effort does not bring success. However, the response only minimally addresses the question. The advantages are not clearly explained, and much of the discussion shifts to children working because their families have financial difficulties, learning skills, and using AI—points that do not directly evaluate the message children are given. Your position is also difficult to identify: you call hard work beneficial, but do not clearly weigh its benefits against its drawbacks. To develop the response, explain specific effects of the message, such as motivation and resilience versus unrealistic expectations or self-blame, and support each with a clear example.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.0

There is an attempt to separate ideas into paragraphs, and linking expressions such as “However” and “In my opinion” show an effort to guide the reader. Nevertheless, ideas are not arranged in a clear, coherent progression. The opening moves quickly between achievement, failure, stress, and confusion, while the later discussion of jobs, business, new skills, and AI does not connect clearly to the essay question. Some links are also unclear, as in “And than acienr our goals,” so the reader has to infer how one point relates to the next. Plan one paragraph for advantages and one for disadvantages, then use clear topic sentences and explain each point before moving on. Avoid introducing examples that do not support the main argument.

Lexical Resource: Band 4.5

You use some relevant vocabulary, including “achieve goals,” “stress,” “future goals,” and “skills,” and you attempt to discuss contemporary examples such as AI. However, the range is basic and repetitive, with “work hard” and “children” appearing frequently. Several word choices or collocations make meaning difficult to follow, for example “this is write path own life or society” and “not achieve goals in our life.” Spelling errors such as “suggession,” “usefull,” and “artificial intelligengce” also reduce clarity. Build a more precise set of expressions for the topic—such as “encourage perseverance,” “set realistic expectations,” and “cope with setbacks”—and check spelling and collocations when editing.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5

You attempt some longer sentences and use basic connectors, but sentence structures are very limited and errors are frequent enough to distort meaning. For example, “Many children try to work hard and than achieve goals our life” lacks a clear grammatical relationship between its parts, while “Some childrens while small ages try to work hard because that they family is financially is low” has problems with clause structure, agreement, and articles. Verb forms and sentence boundaries are also inconsistent, as in “children decide this way is very difficult.” Practise building accurate simple sentences first, then combine them with clauses using “because,” “although,” and “when.” Check subject–verb agreement, plural forms, and punctuation so each sentence expresses one complete idea.

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