Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 15 · 2026-11-02

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Student answer (Band 5.5)

Giving a motivative message about children's trying hard can achieve everything is popular in some cultures. This essay will discribe about how this message affects the children through chances to achieve success and bad physical health.

On the one hand, A motivate passage that children have to try harder to achieve something has on major benefit. it creates more opportunity to achieve success because they spend their time finding ways to get better. Even though they fail, the experience have improved their tolerance against failure since they were young. They will try again and reach want they want lastly. For example, in business success, many businessmen suffter from failures. however, they have growth mindsets which taught by their parents not to give up easily. As a result, they try again and discover successful business

On the other hand, too heavy encouragement may affect some children's mental well-being. The kids who are relatively not opitmism may suffer from stress and anxiety because they cannot find a way out of the problems about how to reach their goals. They may push heavily their limits to achieve their goals, which results in worseing physical health. For instance, a student wants to enroll in his dream colleage, so he devotes all his time and enery to read the books and study special classes. His body cannot take that intensity much as he think so he suffers from illnesses and has to stop studying.

In coclusion, childen can be motivated to achieve their goals through the message. However, it can affect their mental health because of trying too hard.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 6.0

You address both sides of the question and maintain a relevant overall position: the message can encourage achievement, but excessive pressure may harm children. The first body paragraph explains persistence and learning from failure, while the second gives a concrete example of overwork affecting health. These are appropriate ideas, but they are not developed equally fully. The advantages paragraph makes broad claims such as “reach want they want” without clarifying that effort cannot guarantee every outcome; the disadvantages paragraph focuses mainly on health and could explain more directly how the message itself creates unrealistic expectations. A more balanced discussion, with clearer explanation of the limits of effort and a fuller account of both benefits and drawbacks, would strengthen the response.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 6.0

The response has a clear overall structure: an introduction, separate paragraphs for advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion. “On the one hand,” “On the other hand,” and “In conclusion” make the main stages easy to follow. Within paragraphs, however, some links are mechanical or unclear. For example, “Even though they fail, the experience have improved their tolerance” does not clearly connect the experience to the claim, and “As a result” introduces an outcome without fully explaining the preceding steps. The conclusion repeats the two main points but does not bring them together into a precise final judgement. Use clearer references and explain the relationship between each example and its point to make progression smoother.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.5

You use relevant vocabulary for the topic, including “success,” “failure,” “stress and anxiety,” “goals,” and “mental well-being,” and you attempt more specific expressions such as “growth mindsets” and “devotes all his time.” However, inaccurate word forms, spelling, and collocations are noticeable and sometimes make the meaning less natural: “motivative message,” “discribe,” “suffter,” “opitmism,” and “worsening physical health.” Some phrases are also imprecise, such as “reach want they want lastly” and “a motivate passage.” Build accuracy by checking spelling and choosing natural combinations, for example “motivational message,” “develop resilience,” and “eventually achieve their goals.” This would make your ideas clearer and more fluent.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0

You attempt a mix of simple and complex sentences, including a concession clause (“Even though they fail”) and a relative clause (“which results in…”). The meaning is generally recoverable, but errors in verb forms, agreement, articles, and sentence construction occur across the response. Examples include “the experience have improved,” “a motivate passage … has on major benefit,” and “His body cannot take that intensity much as he think.” Sentence boundaries and capitalization also need attention, as in “it creates” after a full stop and “however” beginning a sentence. Practise building accurate clauses before adding complexity, and check subject–verb agreement, articles, and punctuation. More consistently controlled sentences would make the argument easier to read.

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