Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 15 · 2026-11-03

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Student answer (Band 4.5)

In the beleif of several people they thought that students can get everything by just focussing on their goal and the did hard work to acheive it.

This essay will explore both advantage and disadvantage and will be explain in the upcoming program and also discuss the logical facts about this essay.

To commence with, students often do lot of things to get success in life but the most crucial thing in that concept is hard work. Enough hard work is very essential for every dream concequently for that children have the mindset of not giving up at any condition because if you give up you can loose all things in life and also your future suffer a lot In my personal experience, it was about last year when i was preparing for my MDCAT which is dream for every medical students. I spend my whole night in studying and I gave my 100% to it but result is very good regarding my whole night work and I acheive my dream that is the big advantage of hard work.

On the o

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 3.5

The response begins to address the advantages of encouraging children to work hard, and the personal example about preparing for the MDCAT gives one concrete illustration of persistence leading to a desired result. However, the task asks for both advantages and disadvantages, while the essay develops only an advantage; the disadvantage is not explained, and the response ends abruptly at “On the o”. The opening also focuses on students achieving goals rather than clearly discussing the message given to children and its possible effects. At 182 words, it is 68 words below the required minimum, leaving too little space to address and support both sides. To improve, state a clear overall view, explain at least one disadvantage, and develop each point with relevant examples.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.0

There is a basic attempt to organise the response: an introduction is followed by a paragraph beginning “To commence with,” and the personal example is connected to the point about hard work. Some linking expressions, such as “because” and “In my personal experience,” help show relationships between ideas. However, the overall progression is incomplete: the promised discussion of both sides does not occur, and the final fragment “On the o” leaves the response unfinished. The introduction’s reference to what will be discussed is not followed by a clear sequence of developed sections. Plan a separate paragraph for each side, use topic sentences to signal the main point, and ensure that each paragraph leads logically to a conclusion.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.0

The response uses some relevant vocabulary for the topic, including “hard work,” “mindset,” “future,” and “advantage,” and the example makes the general meaning understandable. However, the range is limited and several word choices or collocations are inaccurate, such as “get everything,” “do lot of things to get success,” and “result is very good regarding my whole night work.” Spelling errors, including “beleif,” “focussing,” “acheive,” and “concequently,” also reduce accuracy. Aim for more precise expressions that distinguish effort from guaranteed success, and check spelling carefully. For example, you could describe children as developing “persistence” while recognising that effort does not always ensure a particular outcome.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0

The response attempts some longer sentence forms, including a conditional construction in “because if you give up…” and a relative clause in “which is dream for every medical students.” These attempts show some range, but complex sentences are often faulty, and errors sometimes make relationships between ideas difficult to follow. Examples include “they thought that students can get everything,” “the did hard work,” and “will be explain”; verb forms and agreement are not consistently controlled. Sentence boundaries and punctuation also need attention, particularly in the long sentence beginning “Enough hard work is very essential,” which runs into the personal example without clear separation. Practise accurate simple sentences first, then build longer sentences with controlled clauses and punctuation.

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