Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 15 · 2026-11-03

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Student answer (Band 5.5)

Nowadays, in some countries people believe that it is not impossiblevfor children to achieve any goal if they work hard. While this trend has many merits, there are some downsides that are worth considering.

To begin with, one of the prime advantages of working hard is increasing their patience. When children constantly doing hardwork, they may fail at the initial time. As a result, they will be dissapointed but gradually doing the same mistake, their tolerance level will be increased. Finally, they are able to enhance their patience. Moreover, working hard make individuals more wealthy. If people give their highest efforts to fulfill their dream, they will finally success because none can not get anything without pain. For instance, when any business person gives his maximum effort to his business, he will earn lots of money.

On the other hand, despite these advantages there are two drawbacks of hardworking. First and furemost, it creates extra pressure. When people work hard to achive any goal, they are working hard and after their hardwork if they do not get any positive outcome, they may go to any mental trauma. As a result, at the later time it will increase individuals mental anxiety. Finally, hardwork creates loneliness. If people continuously doing the same things, they isolate themselves in a boundaries because they are more focus on their jobs. As a result, they avoid all the social gathering because they do not get enough time to attend any event.

In conclusion, although the mertits of hard works are increasing patience and making people wealthy and its demerits are creating extra pressure and making people alone.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 5.5

The response addresses both advantages and disadvantages and gives a relevant overall summary: patience and financial success are presented as benefits, while pressure and loneliness are drawbacks. The examples about repeated failure and a business owner add some support. However, the discussion focuses mainly on hard work itself rather than examining the specific message children receive—that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. The claim that effort makes people wealthy is also broad and not sufficiently qualified, while the possible benefit of confidence or resilience could be explained more fully. To strengthen the response, connect each point directly to how this message may shape children’s expectations, and develop the ideas with clearer explanation and more balanced examples.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 6.0

The essay has a clear overall arrangement: an introduction, a paragraph on advantages, a paragraph on disadvantages, and a conclusion. Signposts such as “To begin with,” “Moreover,” and “On the other hand” help readers follow the main sections. Within paragraphs, however, progression is sometimes mechanical, with repeated “As a result” and “Finally,” and several ideas are linked without a clear explanation of how one leads to the next. For example, the discussion moves from repeated mistakes to patience, but the relationship could be expressed more precisely. The conclusion also lists the points rather than drawing them together. Use a wider range of natural links and clearer references, and organise each paragraph around one developed central idea.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.0

The response uses enough topic-related vocabulary to communicate its main points, including “patience,” “pressure,” “mental anxiety,” and “social gathering.” However, the range is limited and several word choices or collocations are inaccurate or repetitive, which sometimes makes the meaning less natural. Examples include “work hard make individuals more wealthy,” “go to any mental trauma,” and “isolate themselves in a boundaries.” Spelling errors such as “dissapointed,” “furemost,” and “achive” also reduce accuracy. Aim to use more precise expressions for the effects of effort and setbacks, and check spelling and word forms carefully. Replacing repeated forms of “hard work” with suitable alternatives can also make the discussion more fluent.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0

The essay attempts both simple and complex sentences, including conditional structures such as “If people give their highest efforts…” and clauses beginning with “When.” However, control is inconsistent, and errors occur in verb forms, agreement, articles, and sentence construction. For example, “When children constantly doing hardwork” needs a finite verb, while “working hard make individuals” has a subject–verb agreement error. The sentence “they are more focus on their jobs” also has an incorrect verb form, and “in a boundaries” shows an article and number problem. These errors sometimes make sentences difficult to process. Practise building accurate clauses first, then extend them with subordinate clauses; check that each sentence has a complete verb and that subjects agree with their verbs.

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