Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 11 · 2026-11-06

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

 

Student answer (Band 5.5)

While some people argue that employers sould not ask personal imformations,such as extra activities, questions related to marriage, in the job applications, others believe that although these are personal informations, but I hold the view that these questions are crucial in selection process of candidates.In this essay I will discuss both point of views in detail. On one side of arguement, the individuals who hold the view that personal informations should not be asked in the job applications, say that in practical works these are irrelvant, because when working in office what is use their hobbies or marriages.For example, if they are performing jobs regarding documents such informations are unnecessary. In addition, by given personal informations what is betterment of office they are going to join. Therefore, it is useless act, that employers use in recruiting process. On the other side, public who think that these informations play a vital role in selection of person related to job vacant in their offices. Firstly, In jobs which involve physical activities, they want to know how fit you are through your hobbies. For example, employment related to loading and unloading of heavy items needs your physical fitness. Furthermore, jobs in which you have work for long times, you have resposibilities of family, for this they find your avialability through your postion of marriage. In conclusion, although both point of views held in society. i think that compnies cat issue separate application forms for all individals. By taking these informations they are doing wright thing, and it will not effect the interests of people.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 5.5

You discuss both views and state your position: you argue that personal details can help employers assess candidates, while also presenting the view that such information is irrelevant to office work. The examples about physical fitness and family responsibilities are relevant, but the explanation of marital status is under-developed and risks implying that marriage reliably indicates availability. Your conclusion is also unclear: recommending “separate application forms” does not explain how this resolves the disagreement, and “it will not effect the interests of people” is difficult to interpret. To strengthen the response, explain more precisely when each type of information is genuinely job-related, and make your final opinion consistent and explicit throughout.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 6.0

The response has a recognisable overall structure: an introduction, one paragraph for each view, and a conclusion. Signposts such as “On one side,” “On the other side,” and “In conclusion” help readers follow the discussion. However, progression within paragraphs is sometimes mechanical, with repeated “For example” and “Furthermore,” and some links do not clearly show how the point supports the argument. The introduction’s position is difficult to follow because it combines several ideas in one long sentence, while the conclusion introduces “separate application forms” without preparing this proposal earlier. Use clearer topic sentences and connect each example directly to the claim it illustrates; ensure the conclusion follows from the discussion.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.0

You use some task-relevant vocabulary, including “selection process,” “physical activities,” “physical fitness,” and “availability.” However, the range is limited and several word-choice, collocation, and spelling problems make parts of the argument difficult to understand. Examples include “personal informations,” “practical works,” “job vacant,” and “position of marriage”; these are not natural or accurate expressions in this context. Spelling errors such as “irrelvant,” “resposibilities,” and “avialability” also reduce clarity. Build a more precise set of phrases for recruitment and privacy, and check whether nouns are countable and whether words naturally combine. This would make your meaning clearer without requiring unnecessarily complicated vocabulary.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0

You attempt both simple and complex sentences, including a conditional example beginning “if they are performing jobs” and a clause introduced by “although.” However, complex structures are often faulty, and errors in sentence boundaries, articles, agreement, and clause construction recur. For instance, “although these are personal informations, but I hold the view” incorrectly combines two contrasting structures, while “what is use their hobbies or marriages” is not a well-formed question. The opening sentence also runs several ideas together, and the conclusion contains incomplete or unclear constructions. Practise building one clear main clause at a time, then add subordinate clauses with accurate connectors. Check articles, singular/plural agreement, and punctuation when editing.

See this exact question answered at other band scores. The same prompt compared across bands.

Browse more IELTS Writing model answers or get your own writing scored by the same AI examiner.