Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 11 · 2026-11-09

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

 

Student answer (Band 6.0)

In the cutting edge era, personal information plays an vital role in various aspects of an individuals personal and professional life. Therefore, employers often ask job applicants to provide personal infromation during the recruitment process, including their hobbies, interests and marital status. While others disagree with this statement. This is an attempt to analyze both the views and give my opinion in the upcoming paragraphs.

To commence with, it is easy to understand why personal information is relevant for the employers. They can get information regarding their employees personality and understand their personality through their hobbies or interests. For instance, a individual who is playing football or cricket can have teamwork skills such as leadership, coordination, and so on. When employees participating in social activities than their communication skills are impressive and beneficial for the company's development. When they know about their personality, they can find suitable candidates who are fit for the company's culture and they can build a strong relationship with them.

On the contrary, there are multiple drawbacks of asking personal information. Due to the privacy concern sometimes people may not want to share details about their personal lives. They face discrimination and unfair treatment because of their marital status. For example, a highly qualified married candidate should not be rejected simply because of their marital status because marital status does not determine professional ability or skill. In many company's qualified candidates are rejected because of personal circumstances or unfair selection process.

In the conclusion, I strongly believe that employers should give priority to professional qualifications, relevant experience or knowledge and skills rather than personal matters.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 6.5

You address both views and give a clear opinion in the conclusion: employers may use personal details to assess suitability, but qualifications and skills should take priority. The examples about team sports and discrimination against a married applicant are relevant and help explain each side. This meets the task well, though the two positions are not developed equally: the benefits paragraph makes several broad claims about personality and company culture without explaining how hobbies reliably demonstrate job-related qualities. Your own position is also stated most clearly at the end rather than being reinforced throughout. To strengthen the response, explain the limits of using hobbies as evidence and make your view explicit in the introduction, then support it with a specific example or practical distinction between relevant and private information.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 6.5

The response has a clear overall structure: an introduction, one paragraph for each view, and a conclusion. The contrast between the arguments is easy to follow, and signposts such as “To commence with” and “On the contrary” show the intended progression. However, some linking is mechanical, and the opening sentence “While others disagree with this statement” is a fragment that interrupts the introduction’s flow. Within the first body paragraph, several ideas about personality, communication, and company culture are placed together without a clear explanation of how one leads to the next. Use fewer formulaic transitions and connect claims more explicitly—for example, distinguish teamwork evidence from cultural fit—while ensuring each paragraph develops one central point in a logical sequence.

Lexical Resource: Band 6.0

You use an adequate range of vocabulary for the topic, including “recruitment process,” “teamwork skills,” “discrimination,” and “professional qualifications.” These choices make the main ideas clear, and you attempt more formal expressions such as “give priority to.” Some word choices and collocations are inaccurate or repetitive, however: “an vital role” should be “a vital role,” “a individual” should be “an individual,” and “personal information” and “personality” recur frequently. There are also spelling errors, including “infromation,” and the phrase “When employees participating in social activities” is not expressed naturally. Aim for more precise alternatives such as “personal details,” “character traits,” and “workplace suitability,” and check spelling and collocations during revision.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.5

You attempt both simple and more complex sentence forms, including a conditional example (“a highly qualified married candidate should not be rejected simply because…”) and a relative clause (“who are fit for the company’s culture”). Meaning is generally understandable, but some grammatical errors remain. Examples include the fragment “While others disagree with this statement,” the missing verb in “When employees participating in social activities,” and the incorrect construction “When they know about their personality.” There are also article and agreement problems, such as “a individual” and “a strong relationship with them” after referring to candidates generally. Improve control by checking that every clause has a subject and finite verb, and review articles, agreement, and sentence boundaries. More consistently accurate complex sentences would make the argument clearer.

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